


Unsteady

by im_nat_kidding



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bad Boy Kim Mingyu, Cancer, Depressed Jeon Wonwoo, Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu-centric, M/M, Medical, Minor Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Romance, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:15:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 36,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23303011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_nat_kidding/pseuds/im_nat_kidding
Summary: Senior year should be exciting and full of hope, but not for Wonwoo. Not when the previous summer, he was diagnosed with Stage 3 Lymphoma. Wonwoo was ready for it to all be over, but then he got a new hospital intern: Kim Mingyu.
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu
Comments: 14
Kudos: 53





	1. The Deal

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on twitter @im_nat_kidding for updates and general communication about the stories ;)

Senior year: for most students, it's a look towards the future, a land full of opportunity. Wonwoo didn't have that liberty. A little over 3 months ago, he had been diagnosed with stage 3 lymphoma. Wonwoo wasn't sure he had a future to look to. He finished the school year out, missing enough days, but still finishing with good grades. Through the summer, his heavier radiation treatments and chemo started. He'd shaved his head after losing most of his hair, he'd lost a lot of weight, and his eyes were slightly sunken in. He was practically a ghost of his previous self.

He told his friends he had gone on vacation all summer and had avoided talking with them for the most part. He didn't want them to see him like this, bald and looking like death. He didn't want to burden them, so he lied. With school, and senior year, starting just around the corner, Wonwoo wasn't sure what to do yet. He didn't even want to re-enroll at Pledis High, but his mother made him. It's not like he could go to school in this condition and he was only through two of his four chemo cycles. Odds are, he wouldn't make it anyways. 

You see, the thing about odds is they are in fact very much against Wonwoo's favor. When Wonwoo was first diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma, he had an 89% chance of making it five years. Then came staging, Wonwoo was diagnosed with stage 3. Down to a 64% chance. Add in all his risk factors of low albumin, his gender, and his high calcium and hemoglobin and you'd now be down to 42%. 42% chance that Wonwoo might make it five years. They didn't even bother to tell him his chances at ten years. 

But, he was ready to go. Wonwoo was exhausted and in high amounts of pain. He didn't want to live like this for another stupid five years. It was a constant cycle of loneliness, vomiting, needles, drugs, blood, sweat and tears. So so many tears, but not his own. Even if he wanted to cry, he wouldn't. One of his chemo drugs made every tear painful, and another made every tear blood red. 

Even with the daily crying relatives, there couldn't really be anyone who would miss him. His parents had his two siblings (and he was sure they would appreciate the lack of medical bills), his friends might never know and the rest of his family would get over it. Everyone's lives could go back to the way they were, before cancer came and wrecked them all. 

Wonwoo knows that he is depressed and he knows that it makes his mom cry more whenever he talks lightly of death, but he believes that the more realistic he is about it, the easier it'll be. 

Wonwoo likes his current living conditions. He is pretty much alone in his dark hospital room, and he likes that. But his dumbass psych recommended they have one of the younger interns be put in his room. 

"The interns" were a group of young, practically unpaid, college kids who were all competing for some big medical grant or to get into some big medical school. They predominantly used them in the pediatric section because they were much more young and fun than the old nurses, and they were just recently out of school and could tutor. Sadly, Wonwoo was still 17 when he was first diagnosed and even though he was 18 now, he was still loosely placed in pediatrics. Therefore, Wonwoo was totally applicable to get himself an intern. 

But, as many interns as they would give him, he would run every single one off. The first was a perky pretty young blonde girl. She waltz in, attempting to flirt with him. They were trying to seduce him into health and happiness or some bullshit like that. She didn't last a day. All Wonwoo had to do was scream at her to "get the hell out and leave him alone to die". She ran off crying. Then came the jock who lasted a few more days than the perky blonde, but eventually Wonwoo overheard him telling the doctor that, "he didn't feel comfortable working with a prick who didn't want him and wanted to die."

After he'd been through 7 (of 10) of the hospital interns, he didn't get a new one for two whole weeks. Once they'd brought back his old nurse, an old lady who was practically blind but never asked any questions and always left him alone, Wonwoo was quick to assume that they'd finally given up.

So Wonwoo was back to his normal post-cancer self, waiting for death. He was lying in his hospital bed, as he does everyday, when his mother burst into the room, already crying. Wonwoo tensed. The "I'm going to die, I've accepted it, let's move on" routine worked for everyone but his mother. He hated causing her pain, and he hated seeing her in pain. She was the reason he hadn't refused treatments yet. 

"Wonwoo, you've got to stop this. This isn't okay." She walked over to Wonwoo's bed and he could sense where this was going. "You can't keep pushing people away. I tried to understand when you chose to not tell your friends. When you chose to isolate yourself and not go to support group, I stood by, but this is where I draw the line. You're getting another intern, and you're going to behave. I don't care if he or she is the worst human on the planet, you will tolerate them. I love you baby, and you can't just give up like this." She had collapsed into the chair next to Wonwoo's bed, sobbing. 

Seeing her like that, it hurt. Like that twisty knife like pain that will sit with you for wears and might never go away. Added into pure guilt was disappointment. He'd made her like this. 

"Okay" He said slowly, she looked up from her current fetal position, "I'll try." 

She ran to his bed and pulled him into a bone crushing hug, "Thank you, thank you so much honey" she laid next to him in bed, just holding him and crying for a long while. 

<><><><><><><><><>

The next morning, his old nurse walked in. Wonwoo sighed in relief, thinking maybe his mother had changed her mind about what could be best for his health. Yet after his old quiet nurse has taken his vitals, she him his breakfast and pills and quietly told him that his new intern would be arriving shortly before quickly scampering out the room. Wonwoo wasn't sure, but he wouldn't be surprised if she was scared of him as well. He was practically known as a dark presence in this hospital, so maybe his new intern would come in quiet and scared as well. 

Wonwoo ate before he eased himself out of his hospital bed and walked to the bathroom. He vomited up half his breakfast. He washed his face, brushed his teeth and put on his beanie. Having finished his morning routine, he walked back to his bed and picked up his book. He jumped, startled when he heard a small knock at the door. It was just 10AM, so he didn't need any more medication or food until 12. He didn't appreciate anyone going outside of his normal schedule

"Hi! I'll be your new intern!" Wonwoo almost didn't recognize him. Kim Mingyu was his new intern. The tall angular man had his hair down, rather than fixed up like Wonwoo usually saw it. Instead of his usual intimidating glare, he wore a bright smile. He had no makeup on, and in the place of his black shirt and leather jacket, he was wearing light blue scrubs and a lab coat. The mysterious "bad boy" of his school, was his new intern. 

"How?" Wonwoo asked glaring daggers at Mingyu "You can't be much over 18, you're in high school! Is this a joke? Get out." 

Mingyu just smiled, "No can do, Wonwoo" he laughed at his own joke. "I'm your intern now, and for your information, I'm actually 17. I'll be 18 in April, so let's try to make it there okay?" 

Wonwoo simply rolled his eyes, "Why are you here? Are you even properly trained for this? It's not noon, did no one give you my daily routine?"

Mingyu laughed, "Okay, okay slow down with the questions. I trained over the summer, and I got into the program through knowing some people. As for your routine, I did receive it and I thought it needed some rejuvenation, so we are going on a walk! According to your charts, you haven't been on a walk around campus since, ever. And you've been hospitalized for almost a month. No one you're depressed. Oh wait, I don't think I was supposed to say that. Well, c'mon, let's get you out of bed and put some pants on you!"

Wonwoo pushed Mingyu's hands away, "No let's not, I don't take walks." 

Mingyu grabbed Wonwoo's wrist before looking him in the eyes, "You do now!" His voice was still cheery, but his face was straight as he pulled Wonwoo out of the bed. Wonwoo didn't really get out of bed much, or have much strength in general for that matter, so he almost fell. 

Thankfully Mingyu managed to catch Wonwoo before he fell, "Okay, I definitely wasn't supposed to do that" he laughed. While still keeping one hand on Wonwoo's arm, he grabbed the unused wheelchair with his foot from across the room, and then placed Wonwoo in it. 

Wonwoo was still resisting him the entire way. "This is crazy. How could you think this is okay? I have a right, I have lots of rights! And this is violating a lot of them!" Mingyu ignored all of Wonwoo's protests and strapped him into the wheel chair. 

"So you wanna run down to the cafeteria on our walk? You're practically skin and bones. Your chart says you're dairy free and processed foods free, but they make a really awesome organic lactose-free frozen yogurt." 

"No, it'll just come right back up." Wonwoo said with a grimace. "Just take the shortest route, and let's get this over with. I have to eat lunch at noon so my stomach will settle before my 1PM nap." 

Mingyu pushed Wonwoo through the hospital after Wonwoo convinced Mingyu to not take him outside. It wasn't just uncomfortable for Wonwoo because he disliked leaving his room and general social interaction, but he also had to see several of his old interns who, for the most part, all kinda hated him. He supposed he deserved it, but it didn't make the awkwardness any less harsh. 

After awhile, they pulled up to the cafeteria. "So change of plans, we're going to eat lunch down here! You don't have to try the yogurt, and there's a lovely little private bathroom right in the corner of the cafeteria. We could roll over there in half a minute if we needed to, or maybe 15 seconds if I sprint." 

Wonwoo rolled his eyes as Mingyu pulled them up to a table near to said bathroom. Mingyu asked what he wanted and Wonwoo rolled off his usual blan meal. As Mingyu walked towards the food line to go get their food, Wonwoo considered trying to escape back to his room. He may have been a weak cancer kid, barely half way through his treatment, but he could still get away if he really wanted to. And he really wanted to. 

He wasn't sure what the point of this trip was, if Mingyu thought this could actually possibly help him at all. Wonwoo purely felt uncomfortable. Even in a hospital full of sick people, people still looked at him with pity and sadness in their eyes. To be honest, he wasn't even sure who exactly Mingyu was or why he was here. At school, Mingyu had nothing but a bad reputation, but here he seemed like a different person. Mingyu was too cheerful, helpful and most importantly hopeful for Wonwoo's preference. There was nothing helpful in hope. All hope could do was hurt you. 

While Wonwoo was pondering his escape, and of course, as usual, his own demise, Mingyu returned with their food. Therefore escape was probably no longer an option. Wonwoo could maybe quietly wheel himself back to his room by himself, but he couldn't try to speed away from someone with legs as long as Mingyu. 

Mingyu had brought Wonwoo his usual meal of a banana, toast with peanut butter and unseasoned chicken, but he had also added something: lactose-free organic frozen yogurt. Wonwoo glanced up at Mingyu, "I'm not eating this." Wonwoo's face was set, with his eyebrows raised, begging Mingyu to question him. 

Mingyu shrugged, "Suit yourself." He said with his mouth stuffed full of all the crap that he was eating. His plate was full of processed foods, treats, sweets, meats, pizza. As much as Wonwoo envied his ability to eat such foods, Wonwoo's lack of ability to eat said foods made him want to vomit. His glance towards the bathroom must have given him away because Mingyu immediately pushed his plate away from Wonwoo.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't be eating like this, in front of you. That's rude isn't it? You see I was trained, a lot, but you are my first patient. I don't deal with people a lot in general; you probably realized that from going to school with me. You do know you go to school with me right?" 

Wonwoo just rolled his eyes at Mingyu's constant rambling "Yes, I'm sick not stupid. Everyone knows who you are. You're practically famous at Pledis High. I'm more surprised you know who I am." Wonwoo let himself have a small sense of pride in the fact that the famous bad boy of the school knew who he was. Even though he knew that Mingyu probably just knew him through the fact that Wonwoo was his patient and his chart probably said where he went to school. 

"Haha, I know of your group. You have a lot of friends...." Mingyu paused for a second, "If you don't mind me asking, where are they? They... Know right?"

Wonwoo avoided the question for awhile, thinking Mingyu would drop it and start rambling on about something else, but he didn't. "No." Wonwoo looked at his plate, moving the food around with his fork before dropping it and letting it clang on the plate. "No, they don't know. And I would appreciate it if you wouldn't tell them. I'm done, may I go back to my room finally." 

Mingyu hesitated for a second before putting down his fork, gathering their food and trash and putting it away, and walking behind Wonwoo to pull his wheelchair away from the table. He grabbed the wheelchair and pushed Wonwoo back to his room in silence. Wonwoo couldn't imagine what Mingyu was thinking in that moment, but he chose not to care and to just enjoy the silence. His eyes began to close, his head nodded off and he let himself fall asleep. 

<><><><><><><><><>

Wonwoo woke up with a start feeling someone pushing at his sides. He opened his eyes, and he was face to face with Mingyu. Mingyu was tucking him in, "You fell asleep in the chair, so I got you out of the chair and put you in your bed. Look, I won't tell your friends, but I want you to go to support group. Not the stupid kid support group, but your 18 now, I can get you into the young adult one. I have work study 1st and 7th hour at school so I'll be here every morning and every afternoon." 

Wonwoo was outraged at the notion of this kid trying to tell him what to do. He was angry at Mingyu's hope. He tried to interject, "I'm your Hyung. You can't blackmail me; I have rights to my priv-" 

"I know, I don't really care. Your mom has made it explicit that I do whatever necessary and you need friends so I either tell your friends or you make some new cancer ones." Mingyu smiled, patting Wonwoo's hand, "Tomorrow's the first day of school, so tell me your choice by then." Then he left. And Wonwoo fell asleep. 


	2. Walls

It was large amounts of pain that woke Wonwoo up the next morning. Looks like his small trip yesterday with Mingyu had overdone it. Either that, or the fact that he didn't sleep as much as normal. He was too busy stressing about whether he should let Mingyu tell his friends or just go to the stupid support group. Either way, he would be forced to include more people in to the collateral damage that is his disease. Maybe some of the kids in that support group had the dangerous thing called hope, Wonwoo didn't want to ruin that. He didn't want them to help carry his burden. He didn't want anyone to mourn him. 

But Wonwoo's stressings went away when they drowned him in pain meds and his world became dark again, open to the night terrors the meds typically caused. 

When he awoke, Wonwoo could hear yelling, or lecturing to be more specific. Dr. Yoon, Wonwoo's favorite doctor, was griping Mingyu out for pushing Wonwoo too hard outside his room. Wonwoo felt very smug knowing the tall asshole was getting punished, but he also felt sorry for the guy. In the end, he was trying to help. Based off of a doctor's perspective, he had done better than any other intern Wonwoo had encountered. He was obviously back again. 

Wonwoo slowly opened his eyes as Mingyu walked through the door. Mingyu's hair was styled up again and he looked very angry; he looked liked the Mingyu Wonwoo had seen at school. As he was observing Mingyu and considering the rumors revolving around him, he was assaulted by light. Mingyu had, very aggressively, opened the curtains that blocked the windows before sitting down next to Wonwoo's bed to pout. Wonwoo sat up, visibly startling Mingyu who obviously did not notice that Wonwoo was awake. Wonwoo let the smug side of his debate take over and smirked at Mingyu, "Ha ha, you got in trouble" 

Mingyu looked shocked rather than angry at Wonwoo displaying actual emotions. "You shouldn't be so smug, but I do want to see a smile from you more often." Mingyu winked at this and immediately Wonwoo's smirk fell, "Plus, it may have had some positive effects, I've heard you've managed to keep food down all last night and this morning!" 

Wonwoo rolled his eyes, "I haven't eaten yet this morning, Mingyu. And I was in a lot of pain very early this morning, so I say no more walks" 

Mingyu considered this for a moment, "Fine, fine.... Your doctor said we can only take walks if you say you want to, so we won't be doing anymore walks. But, we will still have lots of fun trust me!" That's when Wonwoo noticed the small plastic bag that Mingyu was carrying. "I brought lots of games to play! So what, are you a Jenga person, a cards person, a dominos person?" 

The older just rolled his eyes and looked away. He'd agreed with his mom to not run the new intern off, he never promised he'd "play" with the man. 

Mingyu just smiled bigger at Wonwoo's actions, "Okay! We will try them all then! Try to resist it and I'll just defy Dr. Yoon and drag you out of that bed again!" Mingyu smiled at his own actions as he pulled out a Jenga game, "Oh! Speaking of which, what's it going to be? Support group or school friends?" 

Wonwoo groaned, he was hoping the overgrown child had forgotten about their "deal" (aka Mingyu blackmailing Wonwoo). "This is so unethical." Mingyu just smiled and made a 'go on' gesture with his hands, over dramatic and big like everything else he does. "But.... I choose the support group. But you can't force me to speak to any of them. You can't make me make friends." 

Mingyu rolled his eyes, "I wouldn't need to force you to make friends if you'd just fill your friends in on what's going on. Gosh... You don't know how much I would kill to have that many friends who truly care about me." 

Wonwoo scoffed, his eyes darkening as he looked Mingyu directly in the eyes, "Don't pretend to know me."

"I'll stop pretending once you let me in" Mingyu said in a contradicting childish singsongy voice. 

"Don't bet on it." Wonwoo shot back with equal fire and then with less harshness and confidence, "The odds are never in my favor..." And maybe in that split second, Wonwoo's walls did come down. Maybe he was trying so hard to keep them up and to let no one, especially Mingyu, in that he let a small bit of his cards show. And Mingyu noticed and retreated, easing them back into Jenga, but never being quite as cheerful as before. 

<><><><><><><><><>

Wonwoo's lack of nutrition and strength making his hands extremely shaky, Jenga turned out to be a terrible idea. They tried several rounds that would ultimately last a few minutes before Wonwoo would inevitably knock it down. Wonwoo thought it was frustrating and pointless, but Mingyu agreed to close the blinds if Wonwoo continued playing. 

The torture finally ended with a small knock at the door. Wonwoo sighed, "Finally my breakfast, it's about time. People need to stick to my schedule. It's already" Wonwoo paused to look at the clock. "It's only 8:30.... My usual breakfast time." 

Mingyu just looked at him strangely and laughed, "Yes, it is. Your breakfast is here at your breakfast time. What a wonder!" 

"Wait" Wonwoo paused, "If it's only 8:30, what time did you get here?"

"6:30" 

"Why" 

"Why what?" Mingyu laughed 

Wonwoo sputtered for a second confused, "Y-you said that your work study hours were 1st hour and 7th hour. School starts at 8, so why did you get here an hour and a half early?" 

"I wanted to see you" Mingyu said simply and quietly, getting up from his seat next to Wonwoo's bed to retrieve Wonwoo's breakfast. He began sitting his breakfast up and sitting his pills next to it. "I mean, I'd see you either way, but it's Monday and we have to take all your vitals. I wouldn't want to just poke you and prod you and then leave. I wanted to spend time with you." 

Wonwoo just looked at him, picking up his fork and shoveling a few bites of the blan food in his mouth, just enough so that he could take his pills. Mingyu looked uncomfortable in the silence. Wonwoo swallowed and paused for a moment, looking up at Mingyu, "Let's get this straight Mingyu, we are not friends. I'm your job and that's it." 

Mingyujust smiled, "If you want me to just be your intern, that's fine. But I get to choose my own feelings about you. That's just something you can't control Wonwoo. And I, aside from being your intern, want to spend time with you." 

Wonwoo rolled his eyes, "Let's just move on to the poking and prodding part now." He tries to just ignore what Mingyu said, but as Mingyu begans checking his vitals, Mingyu's words were still grating at him. Wonwoo blamed in on his 3 month long isolation from people and his inherent loneliness from said isolation.

Wonwoo stiffened as Mingyu rolled his hand under the older's hospital gown and over his collarbone, or more specifically the lump that lied underneath. He paused there for a second, before he slipped his hand back out and wrote down some notes on Wonwoo's charts. Thenhe pulled back Wonwoo's blanket and pulled out Wonwoo's left leg.

As Mingyu placed his hand on the much larger tumor that lied on the backside of Wonwoo's knee, Wonwoo simply watched his face. Wonwoo practically asked for Mingyu to have some disgusted or shocked reaction. Wonwoo knew the tumor was bad, and he was hoping this might finally be the point where Mingyu realized exactly how bad Wonwoo's condition was It had grown to the size of a large grape, and it had began to affect his ability to walk. The doctors had attempted to surgically remove it, but failed, finding they would have to remove some of Wonwoo's important ligaments in his knee to do so. They had then started his next round of treatment earlier than planned and it was the reason he'd been hospitalized most of this month. 

Yet, Mingyu's face was still and professional, so Wonwoo decided he'd have to egg the reaction on, "Bad isn't it?" 

"I'm disappointed actually. Your chart described it as bigger, but I don't know, maybe you're getting better." Mingyu smirked as he placed Wonwoo's leg back under the covers and then made some more marks to the chart. He then left to wash his hands in the sink and grab some gloves from the compartment next to the sink. Wonwoo couldn't believe it. He needed Mingyu to react. He needed Mingyu to be like all the others, to pity him. Mingyu couldn't just be normal about this. 

Clearly not sensing Wonwoo's discontent and confusion at his actions, Mingyu continued on with his examination, "Alright, now I'm going to have to take your blood" Mingyu snapped the gloves on and pulled the small needle supplies and test tubes towards Wonwoo's bedside. 

Wonwoo's eyes grew wide, "Woah, hold up. You're in high school and I'm your first patient. I don't care if you went through training. I'm not being your test dummy." Wonwoo spewed out as he frantically pushed Mingyu's hands away. 

Mingyu smiled and rolled his eyes, grabbing the older's wrist in the same manner he had the first time, "Wonwoo. Part of my training was practicing taking blood from patients, on real patients." He moved his hands toward Wonwoo's arm and swiftly placed a tight tourniquet on his bicep. Placing one hand on Wonwoo's elbow, he spread a disinfectant all across the inside of his elbow and his primary puncture sight. Then he released Wonwoo's arm to grab the needle. As He inspected the needle with keen focus eyes that Wonwoo hadn't imagined Mingyu could have, Wonwoo inspected him with equal parts fear and awe. Every step Mingyu took was extremely precise.

Mingyu grasped Wonwoo's arm before inserting the needle into the vein. Wonwoo hissed and closed his eyes at the sharp short prick that followed. He may have been through millions of needles since he first developed lymphoma, but he still couldn't watch it. Needles gave him an uneasy feeling already, but seeing them pulling the blood out of him definitely made it worse. Nevertheless, It was over in just a few minutes. As Mingyu pulled the needle out and covered the puncture sight, Wonwoo felt another short sharp stab on his arm.

Once Mingyu had his elbow all wrapped up nicely, he nudged his arm, "You can open your eyes now. Do you... Not like blood?" 

"No, I don't." Wonwoo answered honestly. 

"That's... okay." Mingyu was quiet for awhile. Just standing there by Wonwoo's side. Wonwoo wished he wouldn't be so understanding. Still, he being there wasn't quite as uncomfortable as Wonwoo had imagined. Since the beginning of this whole ordeal, Wonwoo had only grown more and more awkward in social situations, but this didn't seem awkward necessarily. Just weird. 

"I've got to go to school now. I'll be back around 2:00 and we'll play more games, I'll give you your school schedule and books and I'll give you more details about the support group, which will be tomorrow night, okay? I know you like your scheduling." 

"Okay." Wonwoo said simply. He was to exhausted to fight Mingyu on anything. The thing with Mingyu was, Wonwoo couldn't win. There was no driving him away. Every move Wonwoo made, Mingyu had a counterattack 3X as powerful. For every smug remark, the younger had a million comebacks. So maybe Wonwoo couldn't get him to go away, but he'd never stop trying. He might learn to tolerate Kim Mingyu, but he'd never be his friend. Wonwoo's friendship was toxic, and he doesn't want anyone, including Mingyu, to feel the pain his friendship could cause.

Not being friends also doesn't mean that when Mingyu left and said goodbye, Wonwoo couldn't answer goodbye back.


	3. Baby steps

As he was waking up, Wonwoo looked around his plain hospital room. After the second time he'd been hospitalized, he'd requested they stop bringing pictures of him, his family, or his friends. He didn't want reminders of the people he'd leave behind. He asked that his family stop bringing flowers and gifts. He complained of migraines, so they gave him one of the rooms with much thicker, light blocking windows. 

His room was left dark, grey and sterile. There was no decorations and no vibrance. It felt like a funeral; it felt like death. It was the perfect resting place for his depression. He couldn't let himself be happy or allow anyone he loved to begin to hope, and absolutely no hope could fester or grow here.

His mother despised it, and he hated that it hurt her, but it was what was best for her. She was the one gimp is Wonwoo's armor of depression. He knew that the least he got her hopes up, than the less it would hurt when he was gone. Nevertheless, he would still give on certain small things that would keep her happy until he died, so she'd know she tried her best. 

The intern thing was supposed to be that, just a small thing. Wonwoo was a day and a half in, and it was already much worse than that. Mingyu had no filter. He pushed Wonwoo, and he had already crossed every boundary or wall Wonwoo set. Wonwoo was face to face with another one of those boundaries being violated. 

Sitting in front of him was his intern, talking to none other than Wonwoo's mother, his Achilles heel. Wonwoo cringed as he saw his mother laugh, for the first time in ages. Mingyu was telling her about how Wonwoo would be attending support group with him tomorrow night. 

"What are you doing here?" Wonwoo interrupted coldly, glaring daggers at the tall gregarious man in front of him. Mingyu turned and smiled largely at Wonwoo's voice, while Wonwoo's mom practically cowered in fear. 

"Wonwoo, honey! I just thought I'd come up since I hadn't spent a night in a w-" 

"Not you. Him." Wonwoo gestured to Mingyu with his eyes. 

"It's 2:45 Wonwoo, 7th hour, so I'm here for my job, and you. Do you want me to go, so you all can talk? I was going to go get some food for the cafeteria anyways. I'm trying to get Wonwoo hooked on this new healthy, organic, dairy-free, naturally sweetened frozen yogurt Mrs. Jeon." 

"Please go now." Wonwoo said, stone cold and infuriated at the way that Mingyu talked to his mom. He was talking to her like she was his own mother. He was giving her Wonwoo's worst fear, hope. Mingyu left, still cheery, and Wonwoo decided he either did not understand social cues or didn't care. 

Wonwoo's mom turned to him, teary eyed, "Why? Why do you do this, baby? Can't you just let people in. Or just try Wonwoo. I know what you thi-" 

"No. Mom. I can't just let people in. I let people in, then I die and then what?" 

"Honey, what if y-you don't die. T-that's not necessarily going to happen. M-Mingyu said the tumor has shrun-" 

"No mom." She was sobbing at this point, but more importantly, she was hoping. She can't hope. "You don't understand, mom. This is the way I've chosen to go about this, and I'm an adult now, so let me be. I think you should spend the night at home again tonight, let's try again soon." 

She looked lost and vacant, the way Wonwoo felt, "O-okay. Try to enjoy your time, p-please." 

She left, crying, but Wonwoo didn't worry about that looking to unusual. Crying people were normal in a hospital. Hell, in his room that was almost an everyday thing. Mingyu walked back in with a questioning look, "Is she not staying?" 

"No. And I'd appreciate if you would stay the hell out of my life. You can handle my health, but you can't handle me. You can't give her hope, you can't give her a reason to hold on. Do you not realize how dangerous that is Mingyu?" Wonwoo was crying lightly now, shaking from anger. Mingyu didn't understand; his mother didn't understand. Wonwoo didn't get why no one understood. Why did no one get why they can't hope, why he couldn't hope. 

Mingyu tried to put a light hand on Wonwoo's arm, but Wonwoo quickly swatted him away. "Look, I don't know you, not yet. And I'm not promising to stay out of your life, but I'll stay away from your family, if that's what you want. I'll be professional, and I'll treat them like my patient's parents, but I can't just treat you like a patient." 

"I never asked for this. I don't want you to care, and I don't want you." Wonwoo collapsed forward into a ball, burying his face in his hands, with his elbows resting on his knees. 

"I know." Mingyu replied, hesitantly touching Wonwoo's back and resting it there when Wonwoo didn't swat him away. Wonwoo couldn't, he didn't have the strength and deep, deep down, he knew he needed someone. 

Wonwoo had been pushing through this all, totally alone. Obviously surrounded by people who cared but choosing to be alone, and it was hard. Humans were clearly not made to go at it alone, and he'd grown much to weak to hold himself up any longer.

They stood there like that. Wonwoo, folded over and Mingyu, with a hand on his back. They were there for awhile. Eventually, Wonwoo sat up, and wiped the tears from his eyes, staring hatefully at the red liquid they left on his skin. His tears were red from the chemo drugs, and he knew it looked disgusting and terrifying as hell. Mingyu didn't react though and simply handed him a tissue. 

They didn't talk about what happened. They didn't talk at all. Mingyu handed Wonwoo his organic yogurt stuff, and Mingyu ate his own ice cream treats in the corner chair of the room. He flipped the T.V. on to some stupid game show. They sat silently and watched it. 

"So, let's talk about that support group tomorrow, okay?" Wonwoo just nodded his head, too tired to fight, a feeling that became second nature when he was with the younger intern. "It's actually really fun, the guys are all really nice, it's partially led by my cousin, Jeonghan who's one of the older interns. He's awesome. It's him and his dad that helped me get into the program. His dad, Dr. Yoon, is actually one of your doctors." Mingyu paused for a second, allowing a fun slice of awkwardness to sit in before he started talking again, "Support group is at 5, so I'll just stay after my second session with you, and don't try to fight me on that. I kept up my end of the deal at school today and I acted like I don't know your friends, so you're going to support group tomorrow." 

They didn't talk much after that. Mingyu tried several times to strike up conversation, but Wonwoo was giving him the silent treatment, in a way. He was trying to clearly send the message that Mingyu could care about him, but he wouldn't care a thing about Mingyu and Wonwoo wasn't worth caring about either. 

Mingyu left that afternoon looking slightly down, and Wonwoo took that as a small victory. Wonwoo knew that was sad point and even sadder victory, but that's the point that he'd gotten to and he wouldn't deny that. He was sad and alone, that was no news. 

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Mingyu came in bright (he literally opened the blinds) and early the next morning again. Wonwoo still didn't talk, but once again agreed to play games with the man so he would close the blinds on the windows. They played cards this time. It was a lot easier for Wonwoo since it involved no hand eye coordination. He actually beat Mingyu at it once. Mingyu seemed surprised, so Wonwoo just shrugged his shoulders and said he didn't have a brain tumor. 

Just like the day before, they played until Wonwoo's breakfast arrived and then after they ate, Mingyu checked Wonwoo's vitals. Wonwoo could see what Mingyu was doing, or what the younger was trying to do. He had already figured out Wonwoo's thing about schedules, so he was using that. He was trying to make his games, social time, and himself all a part of Wonwoo's daily schedule. Wonwoo didn't care. His schedule would at least be regular now and he told himself it would make him be able to see Mingyu as a thing rather than a person.

After vitals today, instead of taking Wonwoo's blood (since they only did that once a week, on Mondays), they worked on Wonwoo's schoolwork. Wonwoo's teacher were the only non-family, non-medical people who knew about Wonwoo's condition. Although most of them were very understanding and made his workload lighter, it was still a lot. Not only was he missing the lessons and still having to do the homework, but he was having to do the school work by himself as well. 

Mingyu turned out to be a pretty good tutor though. Wonwoo didn't expect much from the boy, he was known around school as a bad boy or a jock, and his personality tended to air on the side of ditzy. Nevertheless, the kid still knew his stuff. Wonwoo didn't even care that he was his dongsaeng and that he didn't particularly like him. Wonwoo would still willingly admit that Mingyu was smart, much smarter than Wonwoo. 

Except in Literature. Aside from it being an easier subject to teach yourself (since Wonwoo read all the in class reading by himself anyways), he was just naturally gifted in all of the arts. Specifically reading and writing. Wonwoo loved to write poetry. 

During his lonely (by choice) hospital stays, it had been his only friend. The small notebooks he had filled with the morose suicidal poetry were hidden under his pillow, and Wonwoo thanked whatever deity might exist that no one had found them yet. They were his story of giving up hope, and choosing to give up friends and company along with it, for the sake of his friends. 

Wonwoo also did pretty decently in Anatomy, one of the classes that he and Mingyu didn't actually have together. Mingyu was in AP Biology though, so if Wonwoo needed help, he was sure Mingyu could provide it. Thus far, Wonwoo was good at it. When Mingyu asked about it, Wonwoo simply stated that anatomy is easier when you either hear about or see your own every other day. 

The hardest for Wonwoo was mathematics, another class that Mingyu didn't have with him, but was ahead of him in. Wonwoo has never been good at math and missing the second half of last semester hadn't helped him. On top of. That, the teacher he had this year didn't give him any leeway like the other teachers did, no sick kid perks. Even on the first day, he had an hours worth of homework. Mingyu did his best to instruct Wonwoo, but most of the time, he just ended up doing the problems for Wonwoo. 

The rest of the week Wonwoo went on continuing to speak to Mingyu as minimally as possible. He did promise the intern that he'd go to support group on Thursday, and participate in it. Wonwoo knew he'd have to speak then so that Mingyu would uphold his own promise, but that didn't mean he wanted to speak.

Maybe he did a little bit. Mingyu was annoying as all get out, but he was someone, who was there a whole lot of the time Wonwoo was awake. The awkwardness and tenseness in the silence had begun to wear on Wonwoo, making him both physically and emotionally weak. When Mingyu got Wonwoo up to do his physical therapy Wednesday afternoon, he almost passed out by the end. Walking was hard, but walking with a limp while being drugged with chemo and low on nutrition was harder. 

Since Wednesday had been quite tough on Wonwoo and he'd have to get out of his room for support group tonight, Mingyu agreed to not make Wonwoo play any games Thursday morning. Instead, the two boys just sat around and watched some trashy reality TV. Mingyu even let Wonwoo just read during the second half of their "social time". Wonwoo would have been totally completely grateful, but then Mingyu turned on loud cheesy 80s pop music. He said it helped him study, and he needed to study for AP Bio. Wonwoo tolerated it, but only because he wanted to read and find out if Daisy chose Gatsby or not. (Thankfully Mingyu left before Wonwoo found out that she did not. Wonwoo may or may not have shed a few more tears at that one). Even though Wonwoo tolerated it, he didn't think he could hear anything by Cyndi Lauper or Madonna anytime soon. 

After Mingyu left, he just had to wait. He waited and let his nerves climb as he prepared himself for tonight's support group. It was probably going to be hell with a bunch of other weird depressed sick kids, or a bunch of kids who were "sick", but not really. Maybe throw a couple religious, "miracle believers" in the mix. Wonwoo couldn't wait. 


	4. Close my Blinds

Wonwoo woke up very tired that afternoon; he'd had a lot of trouble falling asleep earlier do the stress of what the immediate future that night would hold. Maybe support group would help Wonwoo, it had a good chance of being beneficial to his strategy at death. What's more depressing than a bunch of dying kids? What's more draining of your hope than to be surrounded by people who shouldn't have any. But that's the problem, these kids probably did have hope. Most of them, probably weren't dying. Some probably weren't even really sick. Some might be dying but think they aren't.

Wonwoo was so tired that he slept straight through Mingyu's second arrival that day. Mingyu actually had to wake Wonwoo up he slept so long. "Wakey, Wakey, sleepy head. I guess I really do wear you out" Mingyu said with a laugh as he nudged Wonwoo awake. For what seemed like the hundredth time that week, Wonwoo woke up face to face with Kim Mingyu. 

"Ugh" Wonwoo grunted and rolled to his side, pushing Mingyu's face away, "You've got to stop doing that." 

"Doing what?" Mingyu said innocently, "Waking you up with my sweet face every morning and afternoon?" Wonwoo just glanced warily at the intern, before sitting up and facing him. "So, since it's already 3PM and we have a little bit before we will head down to support group, let's go ahead and do homework. We can start with Literature, for you, since it's your favorite." Mingyu had a cheesy smile on his face, as he pulled out their books. 

Trying to just wake up, Wonwoo just rolled his eyes before he rubbed them and sat up straighter in the bed. He took the notebook and assignment from Mingyu and pulled his own copy of "The Great Gatsby" and his glasses off of his nightstand.

Wonwoo turned to Mingyu, "How about, since I'm going to your support group tonight, I'll do your Lit assignments and you can do my math assignments?" Wonwoo knew it was a stretch. Mingyu, in all his happy hopefulness, knew that if Wonwoo slacked on his assignments, it would make re-entering school much harder. Wonwoo didn't really plan on re-entering school anyways, but Mingyu did nothing but hope. 

Mingyu thought about it for a second, "Hmmmm, you drive a hard bargain. Fine. But I want you friendly at support group tonight, alright?"   
Wonwoo nodded, but didn't make any promises. They worked the rest of the afternoon in total silence. 

At 4:50, Mingyu helped Wonwoo out of bed and into his wheelchair. He pulled him down the hall to the elevator and loaded him in. They rode the elevator in silence, and Mingyu pulled him out of the elevator and down the hall. They stopped in front of a door at the end of the hall on the 2nd floor, next to the chapel. 

Mingyu looked down at Wonwoo, "Ready?" Wonwoo gulped and adjusted his beanie on his head before nodding and signaling to Mingyu that he should keep going. Mingyu pushed open the door and pulled him in. 

Wonwoo was immediately assaulted with sounds of loud chatter and laughter. Cheeriness, just what Wonwoo had feared. It was a pretty large room, probably used as a meeting room and maybe a Sunday school room on Sunday's. The room was fairly dark, something that Wonwoo wasn't at all opposed to. In the middle of the room, there was a circle of chairs and wheelchairs filled with about 10 mostly college aged looking boys. Wonwoo could tell from their various stages of hair, that they were in various parts of treatment.

There was one boy in particular with extremely long hair, and Wonwoo even wondered if it was fake, knowing that wigs were a prominent trick for cancer patients, although less popular with boys. Although, as the boy spotted Mingyu and immediately excitedly waved them over, Wonwoo assumed this boy wasn't a patient and was the leader of the support group, Mingyu's cousin. 

Mingyu pulled Wonwoo's wheelchair over to the circle and inserted him on the edge next to the long haired boy. "Okay!" The long haired boy spoke with energy and grace, a certain pleasantness that flowed through his voice and rid it of any harshness that the excitement should've presented, "So let's get started! We have a new member so we will all go around and introduce ourselves and our "little monsters of disease."" He laughed at this and if Wonwoo hadn't already found his cheeriness rather nauseating, he did now. "I'm Jeonghan, this is my 3rd year as an intern, I graduated last year from Korea University and I'm now in my first year of med school at South Korea Med." Although Wonwoo didn't like his cheeriness, he couldn't bring himself to dislike the intern. The intern was simply trying to help, and it wasn't his fault he didn't understand what they were going through. 

Jeonghan turned to the boy next to him, a younger looking guy with shorter hair styled up. The other guy wasn't in a hospital gown, so Wonwoo assumed he was a patient who was not currently hospitalized or in remission, considering his hair. He looked remarkably healthy and Wonwoo would assume that he was co-leading the group, if not for the large scar across his forehead. 

"Hi" The guy smiled a sweet smile that matched his quiet gentle voice. Wonwoo appreciated the gentle voice in contrast to Jeonghan's excitedly cheerful one. "My name is Hong Jisoo. I'm currently studying Pre-Med at Korea University. I've been apart of support group for three years, since Jeonghan began the young adult cancer group here. I was diagnosed with brain cancer 4 years ago, and began treatments shortly after. After several surgeries and rounds of chemo, I have been cancer free for almost an entire year now. I think God for everyday, and come in for check ups once a month, and support group once a week, or twice" He said with a laugh and a glance and a smile at Jeonghan. 

Wonwoo could tell the two boys were close, and couldn't resist the envy that rose up in him do to their closeness and health. He wouldn't say it out loud, but he wanted that. He wanted his health back; he wanted his friends back, but he wasn't weak and he wouldn't get healthy. Healthy people get healthy friends. 

Jisoo also proved one of Wonwoo's points. He knew there would be a healthy religious miracle kid. Wonwoo didn't expect himself to envy that kid though. 

The kid on Jisoo's left looked much more like someone Wonwoo could relate to. He was hairless, with deep, dark circles under his eyes, a robotic leg and no arm. He was tiny and would still look extremely young if it wasn't for the hard stern look in his eyes. "My name is Jihoon. I'm not so lucky. I would've just graduated high school. But I've been homeschooling these past couple of years. I've had osteosarcoma for 2 years now, and it's cost me an arm and a leg already." He laughed dryly. His joke obviously made some of the other boys uncomfortable, but Jisoo and Jeonghan just looked at each other and smiled at Jihoon's blunt humor. 

"I'm probably gonna die." He was definitely someone Wonwoo could relate to. "Some doctors give me months, some give me years. Either way, I'm not lucky, but I've been attending this support group for a year now, and you won't regret coming here Wonwoo. They're a bunch of cheerful, obnoxious idiots, but they get it." Wonwoo wasn't in the business of making friends, but he still nodded back to Jihoon. 

They went around the circle to the various other boys. There was another very sick boy named Seungkwan, who Wonwoo was sure was too young to be in the young adult support group, but Wonoo figured sick kids could get away with a lot. Seungkwan had stage 4 leukemia, but you would never really know. He had more cheer than anyone. He was also wig kid, and clearly had make up on, in attempt to hide his sickness. As sick as he was, he still managed to go to school. "I'm a fighter" he said smiling, "I'll get through it." 

Looking at Seungkwan was like looking at a distorted mirror. Their situations were similar, but the way Seungkwan handled it couldn't be more opposite to Wonwoo's approach. Wonwoo assumed he was too young to know the dangers of hope, and Wonwoo couldn't help but cringe at the thought of what would happen if/when Seungkwan died. Wonwoo would be shocked if the boy wasn't surrounded by friends and family who loved him, probably filled with the same dangerous hope that Seungkwan offered. So many hearts would be broken... Seungkwan was a reminder as to why Wonwoo couldn't be him. Why Wonwoo couldn't just be a "fighter". 

The last boy before Wonwoo and Mingyu was apparently the newest addition to the group, before Wonwoo. He was a small foreign boy named Minghao, who was definitely on the younger end of the young adult spectrum. He wasn't deathly ill, but wasn't in remission either. He was stage 2 in his own battle with thyroid cancer. It was fairly curable, but his wasn't responding to treatment just to super easily. He wasn't extremely hopeful like Seungkwan or super doubtful like Jihoon. He'd only had cancer for about a half of a year and had been going to support group for a month. His name was Minghao. 

Mingyu was up next, and Wonwoo turned to him expectantly, "Hello! I'm Mingyu, I'm Wonwoo's intern. The last one though, Wonwoo ran off seven before. He's depressed and suicid- Ow!" Wonwoo had hit his hand across Mingyu's mouth with as much force as his little cancer body could muster to get the younger to shut up. 

Jihoon laughed at the scene playing out before him, "Eh, join the club Wonwoo. We're all either currently or formerly depressed, most of us have done the suicidal thing too." Yoongi laughed and Jeonghan glanced at him warily but eventually nodded at his words. 

"I-I'm not really suicidal. I'm just ready to be done hurting people. So I'm kinda ready to die, but I'm not gonna do it." 

Jeonghan smiled softly, "That's alright, Wonwoo. Would you like to introduce yourself?"

Wonwoo took a deep breath, "I'm Jeon Wonwoo, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Lymphoma 3 months ago. It's rapid moving, and has got into my bone, through my tumor on my knee. I'm in my senior year of high school at Pledis High, but I doubt I'll go... The doctors aren't totally sure on how long I have left, it depends a lot on the successfulness of my treatments, but with the results we've been getting, they're saying 2 months, so don't get too attached to me." He laughed softly at this, but he didn't mean it as a joke. As he looked around at the other boys in the circle, it was clear that none of the boys really got the darker meaning in that. All except Mingyu, who for once, at least by the look of pity he was giving Wonwoo, actually got the deeper meaning behind Wonwoo's words. 

"Thanks Wonwoo" Jeonghan smiled and Wonwoo nodded, "Now let's really begin, shall we? Tonight, in mourning of one of our own, we will start by each lighting a small candle, and then we will take them all to the chapel next door and Jisoo will send up a small prayer for Shownu." The boys all nodded. The mood was somber but not entirely dismal. The boys began getting up one by one, picking up a candle and carrying it out the door and into the chapel next door. Wonwoo turned to Mingyu questioningly. 

Mingyu leaned down so he was next to Wonwoo's ear and whispered, "One of the support group members died this week. Shownu, he either had a sarcoma or melanoma. I think. This is their tradition for when one of the member's dies." Mingyu picked up two candles, lighting both of them before handing one to Wonwoo and getting up. He pulled Wonwoo's wheelchair out of the circle and wheeled him into the chapel. 

The chapel was a beautiful area, with a huge domed ceiling. Wonwoo had never been much of a religious person, but he had always admired the art that it created. Mingyu and Wonwoo were the last to walk in. Other boys had already formed a circle, but opened it up for the boys to be in. Mingyu set their two candles in the middle of the circle, alongside the other boy's candles. Wonwoo had the cheerful kid in the wig at his right side, Seungkwan. He was crying big, crocodile tears, a product of his hope. 

With Seungkwan on his right and Mingyu on his left, the boys all joined hands and Jisoo began a beautiful prayer. He listed and asked God to bless every single member of their group that had died. It was a large number. The prayer was respectful, yet not too morose. It was elegant, yet casual. Short, yet densely packed. Wonwoo wished for a second that he had got a chance to meet the boy before shooing the thought away. He wasn't here to sympathize; he wasn't here to make friends. He was here to protect his friends from the death and devastation that was Wonwoo, from the crocodile tears Seungkwan cried. 

Even with their heads bowed and eyes closed, Mingyu must have somehow felt Wonwoo's uncomfortableness. He slid his hand that was around Wonwoo's down and interlaced their fingers. He gave Wonwoo's hand a squeeze and rubbed his thumb across the back of Wonwoo's hand. And Wonwoo let his walls slip; for just a millisecond, he let himself be comforted by the touch. He told himself it was just because the sad setting, because he was weak, because he's lonely, but not because it was Mingyu. 

As quickly as they had entered, the boys were leaving the chapel and going back into the smaller room next doors. Once they were all seated Jeonghan began again, "Thank you, Jisoo. That was very meaningful. Now let's move on to the next thing on the agenda." He glanced down at a literal agenda and laughed, "Oh this is a good one, these topics were recommended by you all, by the way: How to deal with the diet. So guys. How are we feeling about our cancer diets?" 

Seungkwan immediately jumped into a rant about how they cut his sugar intake in half, and Wonwoo couldn't help but let out a slight laugh. Mingyu reacted to that, staring Wonwoo down with the biggest smile Wonwoo had ever seen on a man. Wonwoo rolled his eyes and let his face fall slack again.

As they moved through topics, Wonwoo realized that most of this support group seemed to be either a ranting/venting time or a gossip session. Time flew by quickly, several of the more opinionated boys leading the conversations. Even the quieter boys, like Minghao would provide several bits of input. Wonwoo listened, but never let himself join in the conversations. He couldn't allow himself to make friends. 

And like that, the 2 hour weekly support group was over. Wonwoo was eager to get back to his room, but his "driver" decided to linger and talk to Minghao, giving Jihoon an opportunity to come talk to Wonwoo. He leaned in close, "Hey, by the way, we do a "Support Group After Dark" on Tuesday nights at 10PM. We all, or like 5 of us, sneak out of our rooms, play poker, eat snacks were not supposed to eat. It's a lot of fun. You should join. Jeonghan's told Mingyu about it I'm sure, so he'll know where to take you. It's a pretty exclusive group, but I need someone a little less cheery to join, so you fit that bill. Come" He left quickly, as a nurse arrived with a wheelchair to take him back to his room.

Mingyu finally stopped talking to Minghao and came to grab Wonwoo and take him back to his room. They didn't talk on the way back, but as Mingyu lifted Wonwoo out of his wheelchair and tucked him in, he asked, "So... What'd you think?" 

"In some ways, it was exactly what I expected. But... In other ways, it surprised me." Wonwoo answered honestly 

"Hmm, sounds like you liked it to me" Mingyu smirked, "but really, aren't the guys great? Jeonghan's my cousin so he's awesome. Jisoo is like perfect, and that Seungkwan kid is so funny. Plus Minghao is a real cuti-" 

"I liked Jihoon alright, I guess" Wonwoo interrupted Mingyu's ranting "But you know how I feel about making friends." 

"So I guess that means no "Support Group After Dark"?" Wonwoo eyed him warily. 

Although he'd been waiting for the younger to bring the topic up, he wasn't quite ready for it. "No Mingyu, I'll go to support group, but that's it."

"Okay then, let's make a deal. Your blood tests that we took Monday and the scans we are going to take tomorrow, they'll all be back a week from this coming Monday." 

Wonwoo huffed, "Yeah, so? Where is this going Mingyu? I'm tired and you're working overtime." 

Mingyu rolled his eyes, "Let me finish. If you've improved, then we go to support group after dark. If you've gotten worse, then I'll never make you play games in the mornings again. If you're so sure that your condition is never improving, then wager something on it." 

Wonwoo thought to himself for a moment, like taking candy from a baby. In the entire time he'd been doing Chemo and radiation therapy, he hadn't improved one bit. The most the treatments had done was slow the growth of the cancerous tumors. Still, It felt too easy. 

Wonwoo couldn't pass up the obvious opportunity, "Fine, deal but no change doesn't mean improvement. I'm talking smaller. Like real improvement. And when I win, no games and no eighties pop."

Mingyu cringed, "Fine. Deal." 

They shook on it, and whether it was from how worn out the night had made him or from the confidence he had in the deal, he slept well that night, very well. 

When Wonwoo woke up, he expected Mingyu to be there. It wasn't that he was becoming dependent of Mingyu, or that the tall, gregarious, obnoxious intern was growing on him, but more that Wonwoo was a creature of habit. He liked to have every bit of his day planned out. Even with cancer, a rather unpredictable disease, he liked to know everything. He didn't like surprises. Wonwoo had tried to resist it, but waking up to Mingyu had become apart of his daily schedule. 

But this morning, there was no Mingyu. There was quiet. Wonwoo looked at the clock, wondering if he woke up super early or something, but it was actually 7:55. One week ago, this would have been totally normal for Wonwoo to wake up at this time, totally alone. But, for the past week, Wonwoo had gotten used to being woken up 30-60 minutes early by a tall dorky intern. Mingyu was late. Or not late, but not early either. Technically, Mingyu didn't have to be here until 8:00, but it wasn't like him to wait until the last minute to arrive. 

Wonwoo had to remind himself that Mingyu was still in high school, and probably did normal high school things like oversleep. Or the intern could have finally given up on Wonwoo. Either way, it certainly didn't concern him. Wonwoo sat up and got out of his bed, walking over to the bathroom. He washed his face, changed his beanie and used the restroom. All by himself. He obviously didn't need an intern to take him around everywhere. 

As he was getting back into bed, he had to struggle not to glance at the clock. The intern still hadn't arrived, and it felt like it had been way more than five minutes. Wonwoo gave in and stuck a peek at the clock. Just as he suspected, it was now 10 minutes past 8, and still no Mingyu.

At 8:15, Wonwoo was pretty convinced he'd never see the younger again. Wonwoo was just about to buzz for his breakfast to be brought to his room, when Mingyu came stumbling in. He waved casually as he came and sat by Wonwoo's bed, acting as if he hadn't come in almost 2 hours later than usual.

Wonwoo just gaped at him, "You're late."

Mingyu smiled up at him bashfully, "Oh yeah.... Sorry, about that, you remember that kid Minghao?" Wonwoo nodded, he remembered the young leukemia boy, the one Mingyu called "cute", "Well, while I was on my way to your room this morning, I passed by his room and I just had to say hi. His family is in China so he has no one. Then we got to talking, and he apparently like loves this "cancer approved" boba tea down in the cafeteria, so I took him down there and got him one. That kid is so funny. He looks like a little fluff ball, but he will debate you pretty hardcore. So yeah, sorry I'm late..." 

"Maybe you should be his intern." Wonwoo said casually with only a bit of venom. He knew he had no right to be angry or jealous. Minghao was going through cancer alone and not by choice. Wonwoo also had every opportunity to go down to the cafeteria and have long talks with Mingyu, but he had avoided every second of their time together. Still, Wonwoo couldn't help the little green monster that grew in his stomach while Mingyu lit up talking about the other boy. He also couldn't help the cross comment that he blurted out. 

Mingyu just looked confused, "He's actually supposed to be getting an intern.... But they're trying to find him one that knows Chinese. I don't. So you're stuck with me." Mingyu sounded hurt, and for once, Wonwoo was acutally remorseful that he had caused hurt in the younger boy. Mingyu had done nothing wrong. He had been nothing but kind to Wonwoo, and now he was sharing his kindness with another lonely cancer kid. And Wonwoo had the audacity to get jealous. 

It was silent for several moments, Mingyu's eyes were downcast and Wonwoo could feel the awkward tension the silence created. Being an introvert who typically enjoyed silence, the awkward feeling was foreign and distasteful. "Look, I'm sorry, I think you misunderstood me. You should be an intern for someone like that. Someone who needs someone. Someone who's happy, sweet and innocent. Someone who..... Deserves someone like you." Wonwoo paused and Mingyu raised his eyes to meet Wonwoo's, "That's not me. I don't deserve you..." 

Mingyu smiled, "Nah, you're kind of an ass sometimes, but you have good intentions. And you're also depressed and diseased so I'd be an ass sometimes too." 

Wonwoo rolled his eyes, "Why do you keep trying to be my friend?" 

"You seem like you'd make a good friend." 

Wonwoo scoffed, "Well obviously not, I've been lying to my friends for months and letting them worry about where I am. And I am an ass, at least 90% of the time." 

"You're dying alone, so that your friends and family will suffer and mourn less. I don't necessarily agree with it, but I can't doubt the nobility in the act. You care about people." Mingyu smiled, "But trust me, I can take the hurt, so just open up to me already. I think mourning you would hurt much less than your daily rejection." 

Wonwoo shook his head, "No, you know I can't do that. You're my intern and I'm your patient. That's it. I'm sorry." 

Mingyu sighed, "Can't say I expected anymore. Guess I'll have to keep forcing you into our friend activities, like games, which we have no time for. I've got to take your vitals! You have scans today, so I won't be going down to pick up your breakfast, and then after your scans we will go get you ready for a round of radiation this afternoon." 

Wonwoo nodded as Mingyu began to take his temperature and then his heartbeat. Mingyu had some Cyndi Lauper playing from his phone like usual, but other than the music, he worked in silence. He pulled Wonwoo out of bed and over to his wheelchair before taking him down to get his MRI and PET scans done. 

Mingyu thought it was funny to go over the intercom during his MRI and play Whitney Houston. Wonwoo just smiled and rolled his eyes when Mingyu almost got kicked out of the viewing room by a doctor. He stayed by his side through out the entire PET scan. Which included Wonwoo being injected with radioactive sugar, waiting an hour, and then being scanned. 

While they were waiting to go in for the PET scan, Wonwoo glanced at the clock, "Mingyu, it's 10 o'clock. What are you still doing here?" 

Mingyu smiled and looked at Wonwoo, "Thought I'd skip today. Stay here with my favorite patient." He said with a wink. 

Wonwoo rolled his eyes, "I'm your only patient. You need to go to school." 

Mingyu laughed, "You roll your eyes a lot, but you know what I think I saw...." Wonwoo glanced at Mingyu warily, "I saw you smile, just a tiny bit. When we were getting scans done! So is that what the secret to the smile is? Whitney Houston instead of Diana Ross?" 

Wonwoo tried to stifle the small laugh that came out. "No. Please no more eighties." 

"You just laughed! At the pure mention of Whitney's name, you laughed. Now I'm definitely never stopping the eighties." 

The radiology nurse came to take Wonwoo back into the radiology room for his PET scan. Wonwoo just shook his head as Mingyu waved and wished him good luck. 

The rest of the day was pretty normal for Wonwoo, aside from Mingyu sitting by his bedside. He took his nap and he ate his lunch. He took another nap. He and Mingyu watched a movie. And then it was time for radiation therapy. They pulled him through the machine and applied the beams of radiation to his tumors. Afterwards, he was exhausted and fell asleep in his wheelchair while Mingyu wheeled him back. Mingyu picked him up out of the wheelchair and tucked him in. 

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

The next days weren't easy, but the symptoms Wonwoo got from radiation treatment weren't near as bad as the symptoms from Chemotherapy. He had a minor burn-type rash on each of his tumor sites. He was fatigued, but no vomiting. 

Mingyu stayed almost the entire weekend up at the hospital. Not saying much, but just being there and never ceasing that happy aura he had. Wonwoo still refused to open up or admit his dependency, but he did warm up a bit to the intern. He began to treat Mingyu more and more like a human. He even began to regularly beat him in cards. 

On Monday, Mingyu took his blood again. It was off schedule, but when Wonwoo asked him about it, he just said that they asked for another couple of samples of blood. 

It was TUesday afternoon shortly after Wonwoo woke up and right before lunch that Wonwoo received a small knock on his door. Wonwoo's mind immediately jumped to Mingyu, but the younger should be in school. It hasn't stopped him before, and it could also be Wonwoo's mother. Wonwoo told the person to come in.

"Hey Wonwoo" It was Jihoon. The short, constantly angry looking male walked in with his robotic leg and an obviously newly fitted prosthetic where his numb had previously been. Wonwoo was confused on multiple levels. 

"Jihoon? What are you doing here? Why don't you have someone take you in a wheel chair?" 

Jihoon laughed, "Nah, what's the point of the robotic leg if I don't use it? I thought I would just come visit you." 

"Why? You already know I don't do friends...." 

"And why is that again?" 

Wonwoo blanked, "Because I don't want anyone to have to deal with hope or mourning me. There's no grief when there's no one to grieve you." 

Jihoon rolled his eyes before going to sit by Wonwoo's bed, "Well then that bout of selflessness crap certainly doesn't apply to me. I don't hope. And as "terminally ill" as you might be, I'm more so. So I'll probably die before you." Jihoon paused for a moment and then as if sensing that Wonwoo was going to continue to fight him, he continued, "Don't fight this either. Jeonghan and Jisoo sent me. If you don't want hope, then you'll definitely pick me over the lovebirds." Jihoon picked up Wonwoo's books on his side table and inspected them. 

Wonwoo paused for a second confused, "The lovebirds?" He asked questioningly. 

"Oh yeah, they're like pretty much engaged." Jihoon said offhandedly. 

"Jeonghan, as in Mingyu's cousin, and Jisoo, as in the praying miracle brain tumor kid?" 

"Yup. But that's another story for another day. One that, if you'll ever let them, They'll tell you." Wonwoo was only slightly surprised. It actually made sense considering how close the boys were. They were both healthy and their personalities seemed to match well. Jisoo seemed to be religious, so that was... different but not totally unusual. The gay part didn't bother Wonwoo, it never did. One of his best friends was gay and he knew a lot of people at Pledis High were. 

Jihoon paused for a moment before laughing, "And if you wanna know any other dirt on anyone, just let me know. I know pretty much everything about this hospital and the people in it." He smirked, clearly proud of himself. 

Wonwoo let out a small smile, "Everything? How's that?" 

Jihoon scoffed, "Yes, Everything. For example, I know you're a control freak. You have OCD. I know you don't allow visitors and I still got in. You care too much about people. You ran off 7 interns, making at least 5 of them cry, but I'm pretty sure I saw Mr. Jock tearing up in the hall so that makes 6. I know you haven't ran Mingyu off yet because you made a deal with your mother, but also probably because you've taken a liking to him." Jihoon paused, Wonwoo just gaping at him. 

"H-how do you know all if that? How could you possibly know all of that?" Before, Jihoon was someone that Wonwoo was amused by and maybe someone he respected, but now... he scared Wonwoo. The little man knew things that Wonwoo hadn't told anyone. Wonwoo hadn't even admitted the last part to himself. He didn't even know if it was true. Mingyu was still this little annoyance in his lifestyle. At most, he had become slightly dependent on the intern, but he certainly didn't enjoy his presence. 

"Frankly, it doesn't matter." But it did matter. This wasn't okay. Wonwoo felt like he was practically splayed open before the small crippled man and Wonwoo could do nothing about it. Jihoon smiled before becoming serious again, "What matters is you not hurting Mingyu" 

"That's w-" Wonwoo tried to interrupt, but Jihoon put up his hands to wave Wonwoo's thoughts away. 

"I know- I know. We have cancer. We are going to hurt people, so I know it's going to happen. I'm not coming here to give you the big brother threatening you talk. No, you are obviously trying your best to save him from the hurt, but I don't know.... maybe just think about your approach at this? Like I said, I'm not here to tell you what to do. Maybe you should keep doing what you're doing, or maybe you should let him on." Jihoon sighed, "I, we, all of us here care deeply about Mingyu, and we would like to care about you, too I guess... Maybe you could try to let us in" Jihoon started to stumble over his words and rubbed his bald head.

"Gosh, I'm not good with the mushy stuff, they should have sent Jisoo or Jeonghan for this part." He laughed and Wonwoo just stared at him, utterly stunned at his words. He had thought about it, about the fact that pushing people away, away from him and away from cancer, might be doing more harm than good. But what Jihoon, what all these boys didn't see was that Wonwoo wasn't worth the pain he'd cause them. Wonwoo was plain, sometimes a bit of an ass, he made lame jokes, and tended to close himself up even when he wasn't trying to. 

"Jihoon..." Wonwoo whispered, "Thank you." Jihoon looked at him hesitantly with a smile. Like he liked what Wonwoo was saying, but was cautious of the broken tone Wonwoo placed the words in. "But," Wonwoo continued, "I'm not worth it, I'm not worth the pain...." 

Jihoon's small hesitant smile vanished in an instant, "Well. I wouldn't know. Because you haven't let me get to know you at all yet, but I'm a grown ass man who can decide things for myself, so I think that's something I'll decide." Wonwoo flinched at Jihoon's words, that were full of both slight anger and slight pity. All in all, the little scary man had kept his composure, letting the words do his work for him rather than through shouting and getting worked up. Those words did their job well. 

They sat in quiet for a very long, very awkward amount of time. Based on the fact that they sat through an entire "The Office" re-run, it was probably about a half hour. Maybe Wonwoo was tired of fighting, maybe he just hated awkward silences, but eventually he spoke. "Okay." Jihoon turned to him with a questioning look, thrown off by the break in the silence. "No promises or anything, and I actually sucked at this even before I got cancer but I'll, um... try being your friend."

Jihoon smiled and Wonwoo decided to show his cards a bit and ask the question he'd been wondering, "I take it that wasn't Mingyu's first time at support group?" Wonwoo knew that Mingyu obviously knew Jeonghan, since he's his cousin. And he'd likely know Jisoo, Jeonghan's best friend and apparent boyfriend. But Wonwoo wouldn't have guessed Mingyu had met the other boys before. He hadn't mentioned it, which was unlike him to not mention anything. Mingyu was definitely the "open box" type. 

Jihoon laughed, "Yes, Mingyu has been going all summer, he's more of a regular attendee than anyone. I don't think he's missed a meeting since he joined." That did explain why Minghao and Mingyu already seemed close. It was also a very Mingyu thing to do. Wonwoo wasn't sure if he was just that caring or just that hard working. Maybe he was both. Being perfect and ideal seemed to be another Mingyu thing. His only non-redeeming quality being the fact that he was rather annoying and altogether too cheery. His hopefulness, as well, would ultimately make him weak, but that wasn't necessarily affecting him now. 

They sat and watched The Office for awhile, not in silence this time. Wonwoo let himself smile a bit and laugh a bit more this time. Jihoon was his first post-cancer sort-of friend. Cancer was the end of a lot of things, but also the re-beginning of everything. Everything you do post-cancer is different, especially for Wonwoo, who has done basically nothing since he got cancer. And it was nice. Sitting here, laughing, making fun of the happy, clueless, hopeful characters with someone who was possibly more cynical than Wonwoo himself. Wonwoo had missed this, he had missed having friends and feeling like an actual human being, or feeling period. 

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Wonwoo actually ended up staying up through his mid-afternoon nap, watching The Office with Jihoon. He guessed that he when inevitably did fall asleep, Jihoon had left because when he woke up, there was no Jihoon, and no Mingyu for that matter. Wonwoo had slept through Mingyu's time here as well. It was rather strange for Mingyu to not wake him up, and even stranger for Mingyu to not stay later, but he wasn't disappointed. It actually made it easier to keep with his "We're not friends" attitude if he didn't see the very friendly boy. 

As Wonwoo sat up from his bed and reached for his glasses, he felt something foreign accompanying them. There was a small yellow stick note taped to the glasses. 

The writing was hasty, like Mingyu had decided last minute to write a note and had left it in a hurry. "You looked incredibly peaceful, so I decided not to wake you. I couldn't stay as late today because I had volleyball practice today after school. I know you miss me, and I'll definitely miss you (even though I watched you sleep the whole time I was here ;) I'll make it up to you. Maybe I'll stay the night one night this weekend. Do your homework. I left it in your backpack.   
-Love Mingyu 

Wonwoo couldn't help but smile at the note. It was so Mingyu. So caring, it was almost motherly even. Wonwoo could almost laugh at Mingyu's previous reputation he'd had at their school. The note was cocky and obnoxious, even slightly creepy maybe. Very Mingyu. Wonwoo read over it a few more times before telling himself that he needed to stop. He pulled out his homework, and did it all very diligently; it worked as a great as a distraction. Even so, as much as he tried to wipe it off, that small small smile was still on his face as he closed his eyes to sleep that night. 

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It was Thursday afternoon before either of them brought up the topic of Wonwoo's new friendship with Jihoon. They'd played games every morning, and did homework every afternoon with small civil conversations in between. Wonwoo had been trying to be less cold, and not necessarily warm or even nice, but civil or cordial. He tried not to glare all the time when he was with the intern.

After that Monday, Jihoon had returned every afternoon, in between Wonwoo's morning and mid-afternoon nap. Since the two boys realized that they had greatly enjoyed the re-runs of The Office, Jihoon had set up his Netflix on Wonwoo's hospital room's T.V. The two boys were already a third of the way through the first season. 

They didn't have any homework that Thursday, so Mingyu had just turned on some music. The music actually started with normal pop this time, before quickly turning to eighties pop. Wonwoo frowned and asked Mingyu to turn it off. 

"Fine, I'll turn it off. But only if you talk to me." Wonwoo rolled his eyes. Mingyu was always making deals. Still, Wonwoo was so sick of the eighties by this point, he'd do anything. 

"Fine, what do you want to talk about?" Mingyu smiled in victory and quickly unplugged his phone from the speaker and excitedly left the chair in the corner of the room for the one next to Wonwoo's bed. 

"You." Mingyu said excitedly, a big cheeky smile on his face to match his tone.

"No, getting to know me is off limits remember?" 

Mingyu looked down and immediately pouted, "Not for Jihoon, it isn't." He was visibly upset, frowning and wriggling his hands that he was staring so hard at. Wonwoo knew this would happen, and the younger wouldn't understand his choice in friendship. 

"Jihoon is different Mingyu." Wonwoo spoke gently, reaching a hand out for Mingyu's arm. He didn't want to upset the intern anymore. "Jihoon has no hope, and he won't get attached to me. He gets the death part, and expects it to happen. You have too much hope. You think that "defeating death is a possibility", and I know you think you can handle this but..." Mingyu looked up at Wonwoo, the hurt in his eyes very present, but still softened. 

"I don't want to hurt you." Wonwoo whispered. And it was true, very true. The light, happy way that the younger saw the World irritated the hell out of Wonwoo, but that didn't mean Wonwoo wanted it to go away. Maybe ignorance is bliss. Either way, the World could use a few more Mingyus. 

"I should have been your first friend, not Jihoon, but fine." Mingyu huffed, "But only because Jeonghan says I have to listen to what the patient wants. Not because I can't handle it. I can handle you." He said this with so much intensity that Wonwoo almost wanted to laugh, but he didn't. He let out a small smile, and was immediately met by Mingyu's large charming smile. "Let's talk about something else then..." 

"We can talk about you." And Wonwoo knew he shouldn't have said that. He knew he was crossing his own lines, but he just wanted to appease the younger. He hated the fact that as much as he was fighting to prevent the younger from being hurt and damaging his perfect happiness, he was usually the one putting out Mingyu's light. But today, with this little slip up, he brought the light back again. 

"Okay, what about me?" Mingyu spoke quickly, eagerly. 

"Why does everyone at school think you're a bad guy?" And Wonwoo knew he'd done it again, crossing the lines. Of all the impersonal questions he could have asked,"What's your favorite color?" Or even "You play volleyball?". But no, he asked one that had the potential to be the most personal question in the books. 

Based on Mingyu's immediate faltering reaction, it was. "Oh... Because I am, or was. My dad died, eighth grade year, from cancer." Wonwoo immediately regretted his words and thoughts that painted Mingyu as some sheltered child, and was overridden with a slight guilt. "My mom.... Didn't take it well. She wouldn't work and then we almost lost our house. It was bad." 

"I guess, eventually, she got desperate. She started selling some of his old meds. It got worse and she was suddenly this drug dealer. She wasn't my mother anymore, not really." Mingyu paused, and stared off for a bit. Probably reliving the moments as he described them. Wonwoo crossed another line. He slid his hand down, into Mingyu's. Mingyu gave a small smile before continuing. 

"She... Got caught. By the police. They took me away, and I was placed in foster care. It was hell, and I got picked on too for a short amount of time. Until, I found the popular kids. I realized, "Hey, I'm not an ugly guy and if I just try to blend in with them, they like me!" I thought it was so cool. By the time freshman year started, I was going to parties all the time and drinking, doing the same drugs that had ruined my mother. I almost flunked out freshman year, barely made it through.

"Jeonghan and his dad moved here, for the new cancer center, about half way through my sophomore year, and Jeonghan worked his butt off to get me out of what I was doing. He'd come drag me out of parties and yell at me. He'd never tell my uncle, but I always wonder if he knew what I was doing, but didn't know how to deal with it.

" I was pretty much a dumb thug at this point, anyone else would have thought I was too far gone. A victim of death and an alcoholic, drug-addict mother. Addiction's hereditary, you know? But Jeonghan never gave up on me. And one night, I just decided it wasn't me. I stopped it all. I got away from those guys, who still hate me for it today. I got involved in school and athletics again. Jeonghan helped me through it all. They adopted me, the summer before my junior year. They got me into this program, my last chance at getting into an incredible school after I screwed my grades over freshman and sophomore year." 

"So I know you don't want me to have to deal with all your burdens, but I can handle it. I've been to hell and made it out the other end alive, but only because I had someone by my side. I want to be that person for you." 

It was quiet for a long time. Both boys just sitting there, both emotional, both squeezing on to the others hand with all their might."My dad died too...." Wonwoo whispered, too scared of his voice breaking if he tried to raise the volume of it at all. "From cancer, from lymphoma..." And Mingyu leaned over the bed and hugged Wonwoo. And Wonwoo let him. They stay liked that for awhile, until Mingyu had to leave for volleyball practice. It was awkward, with the bed rails in the way. But it was calming, despite all the rules they were breaking. So many rules Wonwoo had set up, to protect himself, to protect Mingyu. 

"I'll come back later and we'll go to support group, okay?" Wonwoo nodded and Mingyu got up.   
  
Before Mingyu left, Wonwoo smiled, "Hey, this doesn't mean we are friends." He said. 

"Of course not." Mingyu smiled, "Purely just intern and patient relationship." 


	5. Different

Any teacher, police officer or any other authority figure can tell you that problem with allowing one person to break one rule one time. It's a problem, it cannot happen, because that one person or one time will multiply. Which would henceforth explain why Wonwoo had such a large group of people currently in his room, laughing and talking amongst one another when he woke up. He just broke one or two rules. He just let Mingyu and Jihoon in a tiny bit. This is why he's not nice. 

Attempting to be quiet and not be directly noticed, he slowly sat up in his bed. Of course, all his trials were in vain where Kim Mingyu was concerned. The tall male abruptly came to Wonwoo's side. He wasn't wearing his normal scrubs and Doctor coat combo. Rather, he, like the rest of the boys, was wearing normal clothes. Well, normal for Mingyu. He was wearing simple ripped skinny jeans with a white T-shirt and a leather jacket. His hair was pushed back and he had an easy smile on his face, rather than his slightly crazed huge one. He looked like a high schooler for once. He looked like the Mingyu Wonwoo "knew" in school, a Mingyu from a different world. It made Wonwoo feel nostalgic, and another feeling he couldn't afford to dwell on. 

Wonwoo rubbed his eyes and warily glanced over at Mingyu, "Why the hell are there this many people in my room..." It was as if Wonwoo's small hushed whisper had been broadcast over a loud speaker. The entire room grew quiet and every head turned towards Wonwoo and Mingyu, who was now leaning on Wonwoo's bed. 

Jisoo and Jeonghan were sitting together in the jumbo recliner chair that Wonwoo's mother would sometimes sleep on in the corner of the room. The other 3 boys, Seungkwan, Jihoon, and Minghao were all sitting in their wheelchairs throughout the room. The blinds were open. 

Jisoo got up from sitting on the arm of the chair, "Sorry for the intrusion Wonwoo.... We um heard that um"

"We heard you wanted to hear our love story!" Jeonghan interrupted with a laugh. Wonwoo eyes immediately looked to Jihoon who was sitting away from everyone else on the left side of the room. He looked a little bit guilty. 

He shrugged, "It may have slipped..." Wonwoo was ready to tell them all to get out, but everyone in the room seemed to be looking at him with these obnoxious puppy dog eyes. 

"Ugh, fine. Get on with it." Wonwoo huffed. 

"It's not like we were leaving anyways!!" Wonwoo rolled his eyes at the excited Seungkwan. The young boy was definitely too much for him to handle. Wonwoo glanced over at Mingyu, who was smiling at him as if Wonwoo had just promised him the world. This was going to be a long long day. 

"It was back when I was just a first-year intern...." 

It hadn't been an easy day per say... Jeonghan was struggling through his junior year in college, getting his pre-med degree. On top of that, the intern program that he had dreamed about this summer was becoming his own personal hell. The other interns treated him like shit due to his appearance and the fact that his father was one of the most prominent heart surgeons in this country. So what if Jeonghan was "pretty. So what if he was gay... His fellow interns didn't see his situation in the same light. They wouldn't rest until the day he exited the program, but he'd never do it. 

His patient had been the light of his life. She was a young girl with cystic fibrosis. He had been rather disappointed at first because he was one of the only interns assigned to a non-cancerous patient, and he wanted to go into oncology. He knew he'd get over his misplacement as soon as he met the little girl. She had been the best part of his day, and now she was gone. When he had arrived for his shift at the hospital yesterday, his father had pulled him aside and told him the bad news. Her lungs had failed her, but she went quickly.

It was terribly hard. He knew death would be part of his job, but that didn't make his first loss easier. He had no one to run to. He had just moved here, and he had no friends in the program or at college. He spent most of his free time trying to deal with his drug addict cousin. He had to get himself together. He had to work hard, prove the rest of the dumb idiots in the program wrong and not get attached to his next patient. He had to be the strong one, track Mingyu's phone and drag him out of whatever party he's at. 

So, as he entered the hospital the next morning, he was ready. And then he got his new patient's chart. And his heart dropped. Maybe he really was destined to have every patient die on him. Maybe the intern's chief hated him as the rest of his coworkers did. Why else would he be given such a dead-end patient? His new patient, Hong Jisoo, was from America and had a very large, inoperable, brain tumor. Not only was he blind, but he also didn't speak great Korean. At least he was given a cancer patient this time. He definitely wouldn't get attached to this one. He probably wouldn't last long enough for him to get attached to anyways. 

He was still reading through his new patient's long list of previous treatments and procedures as he walked into his room. A couple of the other interns were in there. They had offered to help move him in, since he was a long-term stay patient and he had brought several items with him from America. 

"Hello? Did someone else come in?" Jeonghan finally looked up from his clipboard and almost dropped his clipboard at the sight of the very very handsome man in the hospital bed. His appearance matched his gentle voice. He had very short (presumably on a break from chemo), loosely styled auburn hair. His eyes, although lost, empty and obviously sightless, were still the warmest chocolate brown Jeonghan had ever seen. He had a sharp jawline that contrasted his soft features in the best way. Although he was skin-and-bone and obviously sickly, everything thing about him screamed warmness and kindness. He was Jeonghan's ideal type, and that alone almost made Jeonghan cry. He was terminal. 

"Hi..." Jeonghan said shakily, "I'm your new intern." He walked over to the side of the bed and shakily placed his hand on Jisoo's, as he'd been trained to do with blind patients. Jisoo smiled at this act and eagerly took Jeonghan's hand in his own. 

"May I feel you?" Jisoo laughed freely, and it was music to Jeonghan's ears, "It sounds weird, but it allows me to see people. Or at least get a picture." Jeonghan just nodded, enamored by the smile that had placed itself on Jisoo's face. Jeonghan's anticipation grew as Jisoo lifted his hand slowly towards Jeonghan's face. 

This is supposed to feel uncomfortable. That's what he had been taught. This was a common coping mechanism for those who were blind, especially in the case of temporary blindness. It was often awkward or strange for the seeing person, but it greatly helped the blind person. This wasn't uncomfortable, awkward or strange. 

Jisoo's graceful hands cupped Jeonghan's face and ran themselves down the sides of his face and through his hair. He lifted his fingertips and swept gently across all of Jeonghan's face. He took his index fingers across Jeonghan's eyes and his nose. He thumbed across Jeonghan's lips in a slow, but bashful manner. 

It was intimate and personal. Jeonghan felt like he was melting at the other boy's touch. This wasn't his plan. This boy was going to die; he couldn't fall for him. Yet, as he looked at the way Jisoo "looked" at him. Painting Jeonghan's picture in his mind, without even seeing him. He looked like he was admiring the most beautiful treasure he'd ever seen. And his subtle changes in expression as he admired Jeonghan made Jeonghan feel like treasure. 

Jisoo smiled and sat his hands back down into his lap. Jeonghan inhaled a shaky breath, feeling like he hadn't done so in a very long time. "I can tell you're very beautiful. These other guys must chase you down constantly." Jisoo laughed his beautiful laugh again. Other than that, the room was silent. The three other male interns turned towards Jeonghan and Jisoo with mocking faces. 

Jeonghan was blushing, for multiple reasons, the compliment and the confusion. One of the other college aged boys was the first to speak up, just as the silence was long enough for Jisoo to bestow a confused expression. "Oh, I get it! You seem to be taken with our J- our Han?" Jeonghan's blush grew, as well as his anxiety as he realized where the guy was heading with this. A frown began to grace itself on Jisoo's face.

Jisoo blushed and rather than butterfly's, Jeonghan felt pure fear as he could only prepare himself for what he knew Jisoo was about to say, "Oh yes, she's quite lovely. Jeonghan cringed at the word, and then he noticed it. The cross necklace on Jisoo's neck, the bible on his bedside, the Christian music playing from the stereo. Jisoo was flirting with him, but Jisoo was definitely straight. Jisoo thought he was a girl. 

Wonwoo stuttered and knew he just had to interrupt, "How the hell did you think Jeonghan was a girl?" Jisoo cringed and blushed. 

He smiled guiltily and shrugged, "I was blind... and not used to Korean I guess. I couldn't really differentiate between girl and guy voices when people were speaking Korean. When I felt him, it just confirmed my original thought with his long hair and delicate features. I also knew that he was the one for me back then, but I didn't know I was into "he's" yet. It was like the most extreme confusion." Jeonghan smiled grudgingly at Jisoo and ruffled his hair. 

"So tell him how you came back from the biggest mess up ever Jisoo" Yoongi said with a mocking smirk.

Jisoo rolled his eyes. 

  
To say Jisoo hadn't been able to stop thinking about the young intern girl was an understatement. Sure, he'd been rather forward, but he was dying from cancer, that was a pretty good reason to be forward. He couldn't imagine why she would have run out of the room like that, but maybe she was naturally bashful. He could only imagine the small blush upon those petite, delicate facial features. He would definitely look forward to his afternoon session with the beautiful mysterious woman. She hadn't even given him her name, but those other boys.... They'd called her Han. He'd look forward to seeing Han again. 

It was 5 minutes after Han was supposed to arrive, and she was no where to be seen. Maybe he had really embarrassed her, or maybe cancer had really taken a tole on him. He hadn't seen his reflection in almost a year, and he wouldn't be surprised if he looked rather frightening now. He hoped that wasn't the case. He had to see her again, or hear her again. 

In what Jisoo perceived to be about 30 minutes after Han was supposed to be here, she finally arrived, so quietly that if this was in his early blind stages, he wouldn't have noticed her. "Hello" he said slowly, "I didn't mean to scare you off earlier..." He could hear her stiffen at his bedside, stopping whatever she was doing. "I just think you're probably really pretty and maybe it's cancer and I've gone crazy.... But there's this feel about you"

She didn't respond for a long time, or move. Eventually, she let out a subtle thank you and continued her workings.

They were quite awkward the next few days, but Han warmed up to him slowly, and Jisoo began his flirty tactics after the first few weeks. He had never really been a flirt before, this girl had awaken something in him. Maybe it was the fact that he was supposed to die in 6 months, or maybe it was something more. There was the minor language barrier, but the more he attempted to converse with her, the more his Korean improved. One thing is for certain, every time he would become flirty, Han would shut down. They had gotten to the point where they could have great conversations, until he tried to cross the line. He kept pushing that boundary though.

Until one day he crossed it.... Han had been his intern for about a month now. "So I know you avoid me when I talk like this... But that's because I'm dying right? So when I get better, I know I probably won't but if I do, will you go on a date with me then? Because I'm really liking you." Jisoo could feel Han stiffen up, like she always does. He reached out for her hand, knowing her for long enough to know when she was about to bolt. 

"Jisoo..." He could tell he was about to be rejected, why else would Han have so much pain in her voice. "I'm.... I'm a boy. Sure, I'm gay, but I'm pretty sure you're not..." 

Jisoo released her his hand as quickly as he could, "What." 

"My name is Jeonghan... Those other guys were just making fun of me. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but we had grown fairly close..." Jisoo couldn't believe it.... He had been so sure of the feeling. That SHE was the one, but HE couldn't be. It made sense, and it obviously wasn't all the intern's fault. Jisoo had been ignoring the obvious signs. Even if he wasn't used to Korean, Jeonghan's voice obviously differed from the female nurses and doctors. And Jisoo could tell how uncomfortable he was, specifically in the presence of the other male interns. Before Jisoo could attempt to fill the awkward, tense silence, Jeonghan had bolted. Jisoo hadn't stopped him this time. 

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The next month was terribly awkward. Jeonghan felt like a jerk, deceiving the poor dying cancer kid because he had a crush on him. Jeonghan felt like he was violating him every time he had to take his vitals or help him. Jisoo never looked at him the same. He wouldn't even talk to him for a week. The other interns noticed quickly. It wasn't uncommon for the interns to visit different patient's rooms. As soon as the guys noticed the awkward tension, they teased Jeonghan relentlessly about it. 

Since Jeonghan and Jisoo weren't talking, the guys decided to fill the silence with their own words. "Aw, Jeonghan. Can't flirt with your little boyfriend anymore, because he knows you have a dick?" One of the most neanderthalic boys taunted under his breath. Jeonghan cringed and glanced over at Jisoo, hoping that like most of the over comments, he hadn't heard. Sadly, Jeonghan assumed from the way Jisoo had uncomfortably stiffened, he had heard this one. 

"I actually like Jeonghan a lot better than your fabricated Han. I'm blind, not deaf. Now please get out of my room and don't ever come back." Jisoo spoke very calmly, voice barely rising at the end. Yet, he held the respect of the room all the way through. Nice people can do that, barely get mad and have it be so unusual that everyone expects the world is ending. In summary, the boys left. 

Jeonghan looked at Jisoo, confused and admiring. Jisoo looked right back, as if knowing through that invisible bond they had that Jeonghan was looking at him, knowing exactly what Jeonghan was thinking. "Thank you." Jeonghan whispered out. 

"I may not be gay, you may not be my soulmate, but I'm still a gentleman. Whether you're a lady or not, you don't deserve to be treated like that. Look, I was wrong... Ignoring you." Jeonghan's heart started to race. It been so long since he heard Jisoo's voice. So long since he felt okay." This weird bond we had, freaked me out. But it shouldn't have, lets be friends... Okay?" 

And they were, as the days grew shorter and the months went, they became incredible friends. Jeonghan spent almost all his time at the hospital, with Jisoo. He opened up to him about his cousin, about how he was trying to save his life, but he didn't know how. Jisoo opened up to him about his life in America. About how he came from a strictly religious family, where he could never be good enough. They were two broken souls, but they fit together beautifully.

Eventually their friendship began to take on a flirty turn again. Jeonghan tried so hard to not let his hopes rise, to not fall in love with the dying boy, but it was useless. Jisoo was his World now. He could take any other terror this life could bring him just to sit by Jisoo's side, even as his friend. 

  
<><><><><>

By December, Jisoo's condition had seriously worsened. He was a miracle already at this point, and maybe now is just his time to go. That's what he told Jeonghan daily. Every inch of his body ached, and the evergoing migraines never vanished. His bones seemed to scream at him to die already, but his heart screamed louder. He couldn't leave this boy. He couldn't say why and was too scared to address the feelings anyways. 

Furthermore, his parents would be arriving this weekend and staying for another 3 weeks until Christmas. Jisoo knew then that the feelings were possibly something wrong. He felt like he was rebelling in every way, and the closer time got to his parents arrival, the more every second with Jeonghan felt eerily troublesome. He was nervous that his parents would see straight through him to the deepest parts of him that he hadn't even addressed himself. He was so nervous that the feeling predominated over all others, pain and whatever "friendly feelings" he had with him roommate included. 

Jisoo guessed that Jeonghan had noticed it, but he had reserved saying anything since it seemed like just another symptom of his condition. By the time the day had arrived, Jisoo was practically freaking out, and he couldn't even decide why. Jeonghan had asked about it and seemed genuinely worried about him. The more worry that Jeonghan had, the worse the turning in his stomach got, but when Jeonghan had left to go to classes, Jisoo felt totally empty. The turning just worsened and worsened. He vomited several times, but he tried to convince himself that he had cancer so that meant nothing. 

When Jeonghan arrived, the nurses told him that Jisoo had thrown up and Jeonghan had fussed over Jisoo the entire hour before Jisoo's parents arrived. The nervousness Jisoo felt without Jeonghan was strangely different than the one he felt with him. Sure, he was still dreading his parents arrival and getting the same butterflies he always felt, but without Jeonghan there, he was suffocating. 

Jisoo's parents knocked on the door and he grabbed Jeonghan's hand for support. Jeonghan squeezed his hand before release it in favor of the door handle. He let Jisoo's parents in. Jisoo mother looked strikingly similar to him, but lacked the carefree happiness that Jeonghan found incredibly attractive. Both his parents were stiff as a board, and the closer they came to Jisoo's bed, the more he resembled them. Jeonghan wanted to comfort him, to hold his hand, but he knew it would be incredibly inappropriate considering their situations. He didn't totally understand what was going on with Jisoo, but he could tell when Jisoo was uncomfortable or bothered by something that. 

As Jisoo's parents greeted him, Jeonghan attempted to release Jisoo's hand and subtly escape his currently intruding position, but Jisoo would not let him go. He clenched tight onto Jeonghan's hand and it didn't go unnoticed by Jisoo's parents. 

Jisoo's father straightened up abruptly while his mother looked rather sly. "Is this your nurse here or your girlfriend?" His father spoke softly like Jisoo but with a icy cold edge to his voice. 

Jisoo gripped his hand tighter, "Father" he said weakly, "This is Jeonghan. HE is the doctor in training assigned to my case. He has been a great friend and help to me these past months. Jeonghan, this is Father Hong and Mrs. Hong." 

There was a definite eerie feeling in the way that Jisoo introduced his parents to Jeonghan. Or even more so the way that he spoke with practical terror in his voice. Jeonghan open his mouth in an attempt to try to greet the formal adults, but was quickly cut off by Jisoo's mother. "Oh Jisoo, honey. You really are blind. If this is a boy, he is radically inappropriate looking. His hair is past his shoulders." She had the same icy passive aggressive edge to her voice. And it made Jeonghan flinch and Jisoo draw his eyebrows together. 

"I have no doubt it's a boy." Father Hong said. "Isn't it obvious dear, he's one of those Faggots." Jisoo was clinching so hard to his hand now that Jeonghan's knuckles were in large amounts of pain. It was a good distraction from Jisoo's parents though. Jeonghan again tried to open his mouth in some sort of an attempt to explain himself. 

"Enough." Jisoo spoke as loudly as he could. Voice very strong although his weak condition. Jeonghan looked at him in surprise. He wasn't used to being defended. "I would hope that he is Father. Because guess what, I'm am too." The reactions were immediate. 

Father Hong looked incredibly angry and yet at the same time embarrassed. Mrs. Hong looked terrified and she was extremely hysterical. And Jeonghan, he was smiling largely, the happiest he'd ever been. Jeonghan knew that there could be many meanings to his declarations, but he could not control his hopes that were rising. "What do you mean, "I am too"" Father Hong was practically seething. 

Jisoo looked toward Jeonghan, obviously not for his own benefit but so Jeonghan could feel the truth in his words. "I'm gay. I'm in love with him."

"And that's all for now kids! Come back next week to find out the rest of the story: how the parents reacted, how I reacted, how cancer tried to stop us, how true love prevailed" 

"Oh, shut up Jeonghan. You guys might be practically out of a Nicholas Sparks film, but you're still not that big of a deal." Jihoon interrupted. 

"Wait... you're not finishing the story?" Wonwoo definitely would say he sounded more desperate than he had planned. Mingyu smirked over at him. With the smirk, the normal clothing and cologne and the general close proximity of the intern, Wonwoo had to look away quickly. He really needed to check the side affects of his medication. These symptoms were quite new. The heart rushing and the other feelings he'd been feeling recently. Something must be wrong. 

Jisoo smiled, "Look who ended up being interested! Come to the next support group meeting. We'll finish it there. You won't want to miss it. And I, not just saying that because I lived it." The boys then filed out one by one, all needing to go to appointments, or schools, or simply needed to sleep. Wonwoo could feel himself getting roped into the small group. Eventually, it was just Wonwoo and Mingyu in the little hospital room.

Wonwoo was again feeling uncomfortable at their close proximity. What had once been Mingyu leaning up against his bed had turned into Mingyu sitting at the end of his bed and he'd been slowly scooting down throughout the story so that he was just leaning against the guard rails, sitting next to Wonwoo's hips on the left side of the bed while Wonwoo had scooted himself entirely over to the right. Mingyu had practically turned his entire body around so that he was facing Wonwoo and Wonwoo felt like he was still slowly inching forward, again wearing that smiling facial expression that looked as if Wonwoo had just offered him the World. 

Wonwoo shook his head, "You know.... You know that's not us right? I'm going to die. There is no happy ending for me. I'm no Jisoo. You're no Jeonghan." 

Mingyu smirked rather bitterly, "Of course. I'm barely your friend right? You don't have to worry about that." He looked into Wonwoo's eyes for several moments longer before getting up, checking Wonwoo's chart and then walking towards the door, "Get some sleep, you will need it." He chuckled and then slid out the door. Wonwoo released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and slid his hands over his face. The door opened quickly again and Mingyu's head poked in, "And by the way, you're also way hotter than Jisoo."

Wonwoo really needed to get his medications checked. 

* * *

The next few days with Mingyu were fairly uneventful for Wonwoo. It seemed that he really had adapted to the young intern and his crazy antics. While a month ago Wonwoo would have dreaded any visitors and abruptly avoided them at all cost, now he accepted and possibly looked forward to (although he'd never admit that aloud) his three daily visits.

In the past month, Mingyu came every morning and every afternoon. During the past two weeks, Jihoon came everyday around lunchtime. Of course, if Wonwoo could have them out of his life, he would still expel them immediately. The problem was that the more he liked them, the more he wanted them out of his life, and the more he wanted them in his life. It was incredibly confusing. He was dying and he didn't want to bring anyone down still, but it was even more than that now. He was beginning to not want to die so much anymore, but that wasn't really something he could think about anymore.

Another thing that had changed in the past month that Mingyu had been in his life, was Wonwoo's relationship with his mother. Wonwoo had never been able to make himself push her out of his life completely. He would never and could never do that, but he had tried his best to distance her from the disaster that was his cancer. Yet, recently he couldn't even do that. Rather than shutting her out or pushing her away during her visits, he found himself very slowly letting her in. He found himself feeling like a confused kid again who just needed a hug from his mom.

The more the realization of the small changes in his attitude dawned on Wonwoo, the more he hated Mingyu for it. How had the younger made him so weak? So much so that he was doing the one thing he swore never to do, let people in. A month ago, he may have been a mean dying depressed lonely cancer patient, but if he had died a month ago, there would have been minimal mourning. Did Mingyu not realize how many people could get hurt by his "devious" tactics?

Wonwoo just wished he knew exactly what those were. He just found himself more and more confused whenever he tried to figure out Mingyu. What was his endgame, his motivation? At times, it seemed like there was too many possible reasons for Mingyu's unrelentless perseverance with Wonwoo's case. Most of the time though, Wonwoo had no idea why the younger was so set on helping Wonwoo, on hoping. It seemed as though, more than any monetary or academic benefit, he genuinely wanted to get to know Wonwoo. And that confused and terrified Wonwoo more than any other possibility.

It had been a week since the last "support group" meeting that had randomly commenced in Wonwoo's own room, and he knew that was where he would be tonight. Although Wonwoo actually kind of wanted to go, and again Wonwoo wouldn't admit this to any other person, the other boys had told Wonwoo they would be holding him captive in his room again for this week as well. It was actually quite comical because Wonwoo was pretty sure they also knew he would have gone anyways. Wonwoo was sure they knew Wonwoo loved to read from Mingyu, specifically read suspenseful romances, and Jisoo and Jeonghan's love story seemed to be one of the best he'd heard in a while.

Mingyu would be arriving any minute now. As previously mentioned, Wonwoo hated Mingyu right now, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything to him. He actually liked talking to the younger, when he wasn't trying to embarrass him or saying things that totally didn't make sense. Plus, it genuinely hurt Wonwoo when he hurt Mingyu, and normally he could justify it to himself saying that minor hurt now would be fine compared to the major hurt someone would feel later if they were to get close to him, but that tactic didn't work with Mingyu.

Just as he was zoning off with again trying to do the impossible and figure out Mingyu, the intern burst through the door. Wonwoo didn't understand why he seemed to be in such a hurry, being as Mingyu was actually earlier than he usually was for his afternoon sessions, but the intern definitely seemed to be rushing. He had run in huffing and puffing and then run over to Wonwoo's bed excitedly.

The interns normally dark calm hair was put up in the way Mingyu sometimes wore it to school, but Wonwoo hadn't seen it like this much recently due to Mingyu showering after volleyball practice. Wonwoo noticed how different Mingyu looked this way. His already darker skin had grown to a nice golden tan from the beach volleyball and his dark hair had gained light sun streaks throughout it. He also had subtle makeup on. Although it was subtle, it still managed to just push Mingyu's already very attractive appearance in your face. It did something to Wonwoo. Probably just jealousy, for Mingyu's clearly blessed looks.

Wonwoo must have been really staring at Mingyu because the intern suddenly burst out in laughter, causing Wonwoo to snap out of his trance. "Are you okay?" Mingyu said knowingly with his signature smirk.

Wonwoo blushed and scowled, "I was just thinking about how you stink. Did you run here?"

Mingyu laughed, "I just had to carry some stuff into your room and he elevator was really backed up so I had to take the stairs." And then Wonwoo noticed it. Mingyu's casually clothing and appearance had distracted him from the fact that Mingyu had brought in with him dozens of balloons, flowers, pictures and other treats.

Before any other emotion, Wonwoo was confused. "W-What is all this?" And then he scowled, "Mingyu, you know how I feel about this bubbly happy stuff or any stuff frankly in my room."

Mingyu smiled bashfully and rubbed his neck with a shrug, "I guess I went a bit overboard" he spoke slowly as he started setting the stuff up throughout the room, "It's just, we've been together a month now and I really think this patient intern thing is working out really well" Wonwoo rolled his eyes and Mingyu laughed, "Okay I'm kidding about most of that part, it's just that you get your really big scans back.... tomorrow. And I really want you to be in a good mood for it no matter what the results are. So that's where the flowers and balloons came from, and the giant 8 foot teddy bear...." he blushed and grabbed the said bear from the hallway, shoving it though the door and putting it in the corner.

"Ha, and as for he pictures... well your room is sad and boring so I printed off some pictures and framed them for your room. Most of them are just stupid selfies that we've taken, or that one picture Jihoon took while Jeonghan was telling the story last week, but I found some off your old friends instagram and framed them too. I don't know if you want me to put them up or not, but I'd be stupid to think I'm your only friend, or whatever I am if I'm not yet to friend status yet." Mingyu laughed nervously and took a deep breath. He probably needed one, considering how much he said in such a short amount of time. He tends to talk fast whenever he's anxious, that was one thing Wonwoo had figured out about the boy.

Wonwoo didn't know what to think. He wanted to yell at Mingyu to stop, to let him be depressed, to let him die. He wanted to scream and cry and-"Thank you." And anything but say thank you. Wonwoo had no control over his mouth at this point, he really had become weak. He just could no longer hurt the boy, not after all this effort he put forward and how obviously nervous he was to see Wonwoo's reaction, "I don't want the pictures of my old friends, but I guess you can leave the rest up."

Mingyu smiled and Wonwoo could see the tension slip out of his shoulders. He immediately ran over to Wonwoo's bed and took his newly discovered seat next to Wonwoo in bed. "I'm so glad you liked it! I thought you were going to kill me!" He then laughed and hugged Wonwoo around the waist.

Wonwoo laughed and shrugged him off, "Well I thought about it and if you don't start getting a sense of personal space I will off you. But really, don't get your hopes up, I'm still depressed and shit. I did this purely for you." Mingyu's face lit up so Wonwoo blushed and tried desperately to back track, "God, not like that. I just didn't want to have to put up with your annoying crying ass if I told you to take it all down."

Mingyu laughed, "Whatever you say Wonwoo." Wonwoo's gaze landed on one of the pictures of him and his former best friend that Mingyu had yet to put away before attacking Wonwoo. His gaze must have lingered a bit too long because Mingyu's expression immediately soured, "Wonwoo... at school.... it's so hard.... They just, they miss you and they talk about it a lot. And it's it's really hard for me to just sit back and watch that. I know you miss them. Wouldn't you-"

Wonwoo's face turned to stone again, "This isn't up for discussion Mingyu. I care about them. That's why I'm doing this."

The remaining time before support group was slightly tense and awkward. Mingyu knew he'd already pushed too far and so he just let Wonwoo read quietly and then take a short nap.

At 4:50, he woke Wonwoo up. "I thought you'd probably appreciate me waking you up before everyone got here this time." He laughed and then pushed Wonwoo over, so that he could resume his recumbent position next to Wonwoo.

The boys from the support group arrived one by one. Each person looking around the room and looking like they were about to comment on it's changing appearance, before Mingyu would shut them up either by interrupting their comments or just sending a look. Jihoon was actually the last to arrive of the bunch. He simply looked back and forth between the bright colorful room and the two boys lying next to each other on the bed, before simply raising his eyebrows and shaking his head warningly at Mingyu and then nodding suspiciously at Wonwoo.

Once all the boys arrived, Jeonghan and Jisoo immediately got everyone together to begin story telling again, a movement greatly appreciated by Wonwoo so that the attention was no longer on him and his intern.

"So" Jisoo began, "Where were we?"

Jeonghan laughed, "You were just confessing your love to me."

"Right. So we were with my parents in the hospital room and they looked pissed, but I knew how to do this."

<><><><><><><><>

  
"I'm gay. I'm in love with Jeonghan, I'm in love with my intern." Jisoo swore that his heart had never beat this fast before. In his current condition, this level of stress was probably extremely dangerous for him but he couldn't hold it in a second longer. He couldn't have his parents insult Jeonghan anymore. He couldn't have Jeonghan not knowing anymore.

"I'm gay and there is nothing you can do about it. But guess what, you don't need to do anything. Even better than sending me away to a camp so no one would find out, I'm dying from cancer thousands of miles away from you. I know deep down you love me, you'll keep paying my medical bills these next few months, but you don't have to talk to me. I'm not alone anymore." He squeezed Jeonghan's hand and looked again towards where he knew Jeonghan was. Even though he couldn't see, looking to where he knew the other was was enough for him.

"But.... but Jisoo, this is not how we raised you. This is not how God created you. This faggot has misled you. You are just a sinn-"

"Look, I've already talked to God about this a lot. All I've done since I got to Korea was pray and Jeonghan was at least 90% of what my prayers were full of. I'm still alive and he's still by my side. He is the only person that makes this hell called cancer worth it. He makes me happy in the purest way. That is love. That can't be a sin."

"Jisoo Hong. You will not talk to your mother like that. And you, you homo who has brainwashed my son." Jisoo heard his dad jump forward towards where he knew Jeonghan was standing and Jisoo gulped. It was almost over. He was almost done with them. He has almost broken the chains that were holding him back from the love he wanted. He'd be stupid not to, even if he and Jeonghan couldn't really be together.

"Get out." He heard no movement. "Mother, father. Get out. All you've done is insult me and the one I love, so get out." Finally he heard shuffling and the slamming of the door that made him flinch, "Are, are they gone now?"

"Yes..." He heard the hesitation and fear and Jeonghan's voice and it hurt him. He wished that he hadn't put this off for so long, there was just so much holding him back, so much confusion. But he knew without a doubt he had fallen in love with the young brave and ambitious intern. The way that Jeonghan cared for his cousin when everyone else gave up on him and the way he carried himself and put others first. He couldn't be a sin, not when he was an angel. It just took Jisoo a lot of prayer and reading the bible come to that decision.

"Look" he started, not knowing where to go now that he had past the point he never imagined making it to. "You know we can't really be together. I probably have less than a month and I can't even really walk anywhere or do anything. I can't even take you on a real date, but... can you kiss me?"

<><><><><><><><><><><><><>

  
"And that was supposed to be our first and last kiss." Jisoo added. "Although it was incredible, and we were both very much in love with one another, but we knew it wasn't smart to start something when I was so close to my due date. So we talked about it all day that afternoon and we decided to just be very close friends until I... left. It was hard, but we set very strict boundaries."

Wonwoo was confused, "Wait so obviously I'm missing something. What happened? Obviously there's a bigger story here. How are you alive now and how are you two, "practically engaged"?"

"We'll get to that."

<><><><><><><><><><><>

  
It was almost December. The month Jisoo was for sure supposed to die and the month following the 'first and last kiss' was the best month of Jeonghan's entire life. And the worst, for several reasons. For one, the sexual tension was incredibly difficult to deal with. Obviously this was more of a minor issue, but they were in love and they weren't going to be able to be together in a little while. Jisoo was already incredibly attractive, but the more Jeonghan fell in love with him, the harder it got. All Jeonghan wanted was for Jisoo to kiss him, but he knew that would just make things harder.

Yet, the real hard part was, of course, the fact that Jisoo had a massive brain tumor that the doctors had recently declared untreatable and everyday was just a step towards his demise, they were simply waiting for the tumor to kill Jisoo, and it was killing Jeonghan. Everyday, Jisoo got worse and everyday Jeonghan never gave up hope, he searched harder and harder for an answer. He even turned to prayer. Jisoo had begun going by Joshua, the name he was called in the states, since his parents had abandoned him. He was doing worse and worse and Jeonghan knew they needed a miracle. Thankfully, Josh's little name change opened up new possibilities.

Jeonghan was actually taking a break from keeping his idiot cousin from trouble, trying to find an answer, trying to support and take care of his mentally and physically declining boyfriend/not boyfriend. It wasn't a total break, because he was still doing paperwork. He got a little off topic while filing Joshua's charts and went through and changed the name at the top of every single chart from the Korean, "Hong Jisoo" to the American, "Joshua Hong". He knew that at this point is Josh's treatment it didn't matter and with everything that the name stood for and meant to Josh/Jisoo, it would mean a lot to him. Jeonghan wasn't even crazy about the name change himself just because it was confusing for him and he often called Jisoo both names , but he'd do anything to see him smile.

Thus, a week later, when Josh started to really go down hill, Jeonghan received a random call from an American number. Typically, he would just let a call where he didn't know the number go to voicemail, but he decided to pick it up for some reason. Maybe he was just exhausted, or Josh would tell you it was a "God-thing", but either way. When he answered, he found out that there was an American doctor who worked at a Proton Therapy center in Korea who had an idea he wanted to meet with Jeonghan about. He had heard of Joshua Hong's case early on but didnt know that the case had been switched to a Korean hospital under Hong Jisoo, so he thought the opportunity to work with them had ended.

<><><><><><><><>

"So I'm guessing all you little cancer 'nerds' know what proton therapy is now, but it was still extremely rare until like a year ago, especially in Korea. Everything was extremely experimental and dangerous, and it was extremely expensive as well. Like crazy crazy pricey, they also typically only used it on children's brain tumors, not adults with already developed brains. Now it's like a pretty big go to for brain tumors if you can afford it, but that's only because someone had to start that trend."

Jeonghan laughed, "Joshua started it, if you hadn't already guessed, but we'll get to that. So I met with this medical physicists. Honestly, with how taboo this all was back then, I probably wouldn't have but I was very desperate, Jisoo got really really bad that week. He had coded multiple times the night before and he hadn't been very conscious all week. He was past his expiration date at this point, so I was desperate."   
Jisoo slid his hand over to Jeonghan and Wonwoo again had to admire their relationship and all they've been through. He also had to fear what this relationship and hope could be putting into his heart and the hearts around him, specifically right next to him. "The medical physicist flew out to the cancer center and met with almost our entire staff. He had an idea, and because it was extremely experimental, the cost was practically nothing. They were going to use a particle accelerator that they have at one of the colleges to speed up some protons and shoot them at every invasive part of the tumor. After they got rid of the parts of the tumor that would kill or affect Joshua's quality of life if they were to just be removed, they would simply cut Josh's head open, from the front so that it didn't interfere with the particle accelerator. Then they would remove the rest of the tumor, keeping the proton therapy going throughout, to catch any other important areas that could kill him if cut out."

"It doesn't sound too bad now, but there was so many risks. He had a 7% chance of surviving the surgery, and .5% chance of surviving more than 3 months after the surgery. They also told us it wouldn't get rid of everything and he still wouldn't have more than a year after the surgery before he'd most likely die. On top of that, if he survived, there was such a long list of complications and side affects."

"So, we talked about it a lot" Jisoo interjected. "Jeonghan actually thought it was too risky. He didn't want me to have to live on with a terrible quality of life. But I knew that one more second with him or 100 years paralysed with limited brain function with him would be better than an eternity without him..."

  
<><><><><><><><><><><>

  
Maybe Jisoo wasn't the right person to be making crazy decisions to go through impossible to survive experimental surgeries, but his parents were out of the equation and his mind was made up. He was dying anyways. It would be any day now, he could feel it. He was practically comatose half the time now, coding crazy and unhealthy amounts, but still being brought back. There had to be a reason why he kept pulling through. This was the miracle he'd been looking for.

They were thousands of feet above the air, in a helicopter, flying to the physics research facility where they had the particle accelerator. This would either be the day he died or the day he pulled through, or the day he suffered permanent brain damage. He was the guinea pig. Alongside him in the helicopter, was only the pilot and the love of his life. The rest of the surgical and doctoral staff, as well as the research fellowships that had come to watch the surgery, (it would also be broadcast live as part of he research deal that was paying for the surgery) were in several other helicopters, all in a giant fleet flying across. It was too loud for Jeonghan and him to actually talk to one another, which was sad considering this would be some of there last words together. There last words before they were in front of everyone and broadcast. The news of the surgery had already made national news. It was risky and everyone wanted to know what was going to happen.

Jeonghan would probably get fired if they found out they had any sort of relationship. Really, they didn't have too much of a relationship, aside from patient and intern, aside from the kiss. The feelings and words they had said to one another were much more intimate than any other thing though. Jeonghan had already said he was going to kiss him before he went in, he said that they would change the rules for him. And Joshua wouldn't be surprised if that exact thing happened. Jeonghan had that affect on people.

Joshua realized that he had dozed out of consciousness and tried to come back to life. It was incredibly difficult to tell the difference between reality and non-reality when you're blind, but Jeonghan's voice brought him back to sanity. The helicopter had landed, he was getting ready to go into surgery.

"J-Jisoo, Joshua, are you with me?" Jeonghan was violently gripping his hand. Joshua could tell he was crying because he could feel the tears hitting his face. He reached up and felt Jeonghan's face, he wiped the tears away, and pulled Jeonghan's face down to his, "One last kiss" he whispered. Then he kissed Jeonghan with all the passion he knew to muster at this unexperienced stage in his life. He realized he was crying when they finally parted. He let out a small half laugh/ half sob and whispered, "how many cameras"

"None" Jeonghan said with a laugh, "They gave me ten minutes on the waiting room alone with you before you go in."

"And how many minutes do we have left?"Jisoo asked

Jisoo could feel Jeonghan tremble as he looked at his watch, "T-three. We have three more minutes."  
  
"Well, while I decide if I want to spend my last 3 real minutes on this earth making out with you or telling you how much I love you, please climb into bed with me. I know I'm being selfish, I know this is just going to hurt you, but I c-can't, I just love you so much."

Jeonghan shhed him, "Oh shut up, I want this to be my memory of you, and what happened to that crazy hope and faith. You're going to make it through okay? And when you make it through, you're going to take me on a proper date right?"

Joshua laughed and nodded, and then pulled Jeonghan towards his lips. They kissed and said all the things they couldn't say words for a couple minutes before Joshua pulled away abruptly, "Wait, no I won't take you on a date, maybe I'm just being crazy and I'm half sane because there's a tumor taking over half my brain, but if I make it through this... if I make it out to the other side..." Joshua paused and looked to where he knew Jeonghan was, wishing he could see how beautiful he was, "Marry me, Jeonghan, marry me."

The door bust open and someone told Jeonghan that Joshua had to go. Joshua could feel himself slipping back into that other world but he could still hear his hospital bed being rushed out down the hall. Someone telling Jeonghan this was as far as he could go. And most importantly he could hear the strangled, "Yes" Being yelled down the hall.

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

"And then I died."

Jeonghan hit Joshua on the arm, "Joshua! He didn't die, but he didn't exactly survive right away either..."

  
<><><><><><><><><><><>

After the first few days after Joshua's coma, Jeonghan was still overwhelmingly full of hope that Josh would be his husband someday. He just knew that it would happen. They were meant to be, it was fate, maybe it was even God. Joshua was in a coma following the surgery, but that's fairly normal following brain surgery, especially a traumatic one.

He had survived the surgery. That news was the best that he had ever heard. He broke down whenever he go to see Joshua again for the first time and he'd rarely left his side since. It was no secret to the rest of the hospital their relationship. With the publicity of Jisoo's surgery, it really wasn't a secret to the rest of the world either. But as Jeonghan always gets his way, he did this time as well. The hospital changed the rule. Since interns aren't strict medical staff, intern patient relationships wouldn't be restricted as long as they were filed and obviously consensual.

After the first month, Jeonghan was still reeling with hope, visitors would come by Jisoo's room often to talk and support him. The room was full of flowers and candies and all other sorts of things. It was hard and the coma was lasting longer than he wanted, but this was still normal for brain surgery. The surgery had gone practically perfect with a very minor complication or two that should have any serious ramifications.

After three months, Jeonghan began to get very depressed. He couldn't understand why Jisoo wasn't waking up. Occasionally it did take this long for someone to wake up after surgery, but it was rather rare. It was March by this point, and the only time Jeonghan left Jisoo's side was to pull Mingyu out of parties late at night, so he wasn't getting much sleep.

By six months, everyone was in rough shape, they'd asked a Jeonghan various times if he wanted to take Jisoo off ventilation, because Josh had for some reason put him in charge of that, and he started wondering if he should. If he should just let Josh go to heaven and be with God, this wasn't fair to him. He'd pray all the time that maybe just maybe Josh would wake up. He wasn't alone at the hospital anymore. Mingyu rarely left his side, by his own choice. He'd stopped partying drinking, he'd stopped it all. He'd go to school and then go straight to the hospital and sit by Jeonghan until he'd convince Jeonghan to let him drive him home to sleep. Then he'd drop Jeonghan off at the hospital on his way to school and repeat the cycle.

Jeonghan always wondered why the kid did it or if this meant he was really done with it all. Maybe this was his way of occupying himself to stay away from his previous addictions or maybe it was his payback to Jeonghan. Either way, Jeonghan probably would have broke without that support. The kid still looked like a thug as well so he definitely scared off all Jeonghan's old bullies. Mingyu was good company too, a good distraction. In their conversations, he was always honest and sincere about where he was at. He always went off about some kid.

It was June 1st when something happened, Jeonghan was alone, while Mingyu was out getting food, and he was simply sitting by Jisoo and holding his hand, telling him about what has been happening in his life, what classes he might take next year or not. Then it happened. Joshua squeezed his hand. He started freaking out right as Mingyu walked back in and Mingyu must have though Josh died or something because he freaked out, but then Jeonghan told him what happened. The doctors said it was probably a fluke or more of a reaction than actual brain activity.

June 7th Jeonghan's father officially adopted Mingyu as his own, and Mingyu was officially his real brother.

Several hand squeezes later, on June 21st, the first official day of summer. Josh woke up. Jeonghan was sitting by his side holding Jisoo's hand, only really looking forward to possibly squeezing his hand the giant cut through the middle of his forehead was finally coming together and sealing. Jeonghan was just staring out the window while Mingyu was in the corner actually doing homework, turns out the non fried brain cells were actually very smart. And then it happened.

"Oh" Jeonghan jumped, thinking that he had made it up, but then he saw that Mingyu's head had popped up as well. He looked down at Joshua only to see him looking up at him, expression dazed. Jeonghan had a million thoughts at once. Is he really awake? Is this a dream? Does his brain actually work? Is he okay?

"Are you okay?" Jeonghan stuttered out, tears already pouring down his face.

Jisoo smiled softly, crying too. "I-I can see you." He choked back a sob, "Oh my god, Jeonghan, you are so beautiful, I love you so much. You're still going to marry me right? You didn't just say that because I was supposed to die right?"

Jeonghan smiled and kissed him, "Of course I'll marry you." And then he pushed the button to alert the doctors that Jisoo was in fact awake.

  
<><><><><><><><><><><><>

"The end." Jeonghan smiled, "It took him a little rehab for the movement walking part stuff, but his brain still worked perfectly, even better than before. Now he's a pre-med student himself."

"Wait." Wonwoo was still confused about a couple things, "So when's the wedding or are you guys already married? And since when does Jisoo mainly go by Joshua."

Jeonghan gave Joshua a knowing look, Joshua laughed, "Well, I'm waiting to really ask Jeonghan in a special way, but theoretically we are engaged currently. I want to have the ring and everything, but other than medical bills I was mainly cut off by my family. They send me a small stipend to make me stay in Korea. I actually just use Joshua for my close friends now, that is the name that everyone but my parents called me for most of my life, so it was sentimental back then. But now I'm both Jisoo and Josh, so either is good. I do consider you a friend now Wonwoo so you are definitely allowed to call me Joshua."

Mingyu interjected at that, "Yeah, yeah.... he doesn't do friends. You're not getting a nickname from Won before I get one Josh. Now it's about time for you guys to all get out, Wonwoo needs some sleep."

The others slowly shuffled out of the room one by one as they came in. Jihoon smirked and winked at Mingyu before he left. Wonwoo would have found it odd or suspicious with anyone else but that's just Jihoon. When they were all gone Wonwoo realized he was rather tired, and almost dozed off. It was already 7:45PM, aka its bedtime for Wonwoo.

Before he could slip into a peaceful sleep though, Mingyu woke him up with a, "Wait, wait, wait! You can't go to sleep yet."

Wonwoo frowned, "Why not? This is when I always go to sleep."

Mingyu sighed, "But not today, you can't today!"

"What were you just very touched by the story and now you want to confess to me before I very likely die in my sleep."

Mingyu rolled his eyes, "No." he huffed, "I would not confess to you that way gosh."

"Well what is it then Mingyu?" Wonwoo sighed frustratedly

"It's just..."

"Get on with it Mingyu"

"I don't know how to say it"

Wonwoo was almost worried by the serious and almost frightened expression on Mingyu's face, but he was also very tired. "Then I'm going to sleep."

"No wait! _**I got your test results back early**_!" Wonwoo could somewhat understand the significance of this but his test results ever change, never better never worse, this would only be a big deal if...." They're..... different than previous times. Things have..... changed. I know you don't want to, but we need to talk about some things" It would only be a big deal if they were different.


	6. Never Alone

"No wait! I got your test results back early!" Wonwoo paused, he somewhat understood the significance of this but his test results never change; they never better nor worse. Thus, this would only be a big deal if.... "They're... different than previous times. Things have... changed. I know you don't want to, but we _need_ to talk about some things" It would only be a big deal if they were different. 

"What... what do you mean things are different" Wonwoo sighed exasperatedly, "Stop beating around the bush Mingyu. I can take it. This is what I've been trying to prepare you for. It spreads that last bit, and I'm dead. I can handle that. Just tel-" 

"No" Mingyu interrupted and walked over to the edge of Wonwoo's bed, "No, I won't just tell you that you're dying because you're not." 

Wonwoo rolled his eyes, "Mingyu, just shut up with the optimism already." 

Mingyu grabbed Wonwoo's arm fervently " _WONWOO_ , just wait one second and let me speak" Shock and confused, Wonwoo waited silently For the younger to continue, "the lymph node under your collarbone has practically shrunk to the size of a pea, it's receded from the grip it had on your lungs and it's path to your heart is literally just gone. The little dots that pointed to new cancer development on your pancreas and liver are also completely gone. And the tumor under your leg is small enough to remove without any great obstruction to your mobility, you just have to schedule the surgery in the morning. I mean, sure you're not clear of this yet or anything, but you are not dying on me anytime soon Jeon Wonwoo." 

Wonwoo didn't know what to think or how he was supposed to respond to that. He wasn't sure when he started crying, bUt, Mingyu reached up and wiped away several of the tears that had slid down his face. So, what did this mean? He wasn't dying... yet? Hope was maybe not so hopeless? Maybe it wasn't the smartest idea, but he certainly couldn't fight it with this news, "H-how or why did this h-happen and why now?"

Mingyu smiled, "They don't know exactly. When I was on one of my first rotation with you here, I had been doing quite a bit of research, and I had recommended they change your treatment schedule a bit. Less chemo, more radioactive therapy, more activity overall on your part, and lessen your depression. They did do the first two parts, but I attempted to cover the last two, I don't know if that did it but...." Mingyu shrugged slyly, "That's everyone's best guess. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, but I just found out during school and I wanted to tell you after everyone left, since I thought you um might get emotional and you hate when people see you emotional...." 

Wonwoo grabbed the interns hand and tugged him down into a hug, "Thank you, Mingyu. Thank you."

After they pulled back, Mingyu's smile faltered a bit, "Wonwoo, I know you might not like this part, but you're going to be able to be going back to school, part time at first probably, in a little over 3 weeks, but we can talk about that tomorrow if you'd like." 

Wonwoo nodded quickly "Yes please tomorrow. Not tonight." Wonwoo frowned, "I need to um come to terms with this myself, and I need to tell my mom... but I'll do that tomorrow" 

Mingyu smiled small, "Okay, I'll um make you a deal?" Wonwoo rolled his eyes, very used to and suspicious of Mingyu's "deals" at this point, but he still nodded, "We can just not talk about it tonight, at all. But you have to promise me that you will to talk to me about it tomorrow and.... let me spend the night" Wonwoo raised his eyebrows and Mingyu shook his head, "Not like that, I thought we could just.... you know... watch a movie or something and then I'll grab the cot or sleep in that chair and then we'll do our normal routine, no big deal." 

"Deal" Wonwoo said with no hesitation at all, and was met with the smiling giant climbing up right next to him in the hospital bed and grabbing the TV remote. 

They ended up watching a basic action movie. About half way through the movie, Wonwoo dozed off and Mingyu shook him awake, "Hey Wonwoo?" Wonwoo grunted a reply, "Since you're not like dying anymore, does that mean we can really be friends, like at school and everything?" Wonwoo thought for a second. It was still a risk, but it was a new kind of dangerous and still mixed with the old one. Nevertheless, Wonwoo nodded his head yes to Mingyu. Wonwoo actually slept through most of the movie, his head often falling to Mingyu's shoulder. Eventually, he dozed off completely, for once having a long peaceful sleep, with nice dreams. He knew he couldn't just jump into this whole hope thing, but at least for this night, he'd allow the celebration, he'd allow the hope to envelope him. 

* * *

MINGYU POV 

* * *

The next morning around 6AM, Mingyu woke with a start at the sound of the door. He looked around confused before setting his eyes on the sleeping skinny sick boy next to him, whose head was lying on his shoulder. He smiled and remembered the night before. Wondering where he placed the scans that proved it all, the scans that could make Wonwoo feel hope again and maybe a little happy too if Mingyu was lucky. 

Mingyu practically jumped out of his skin for the second time that morning when he heard a loud cough from the door. He had been staring at Wonwoo since the intruder walked in and had totally forgotten about the sound that originally woke him up. He turned his face quickly to the door, ready to tell off whatever nurse had come into their, or Wonwoo's, space and could have woke the precious sleeping pessimist up. But it wasn't a nurse. It was Choi Seungcheol. Wonwoo's (former) best friend, and he was currently glaring absolute daggers at Mingyu. 

At first, Mingyu could understand how this could look. Mingyu was the school bad boy, former player, and they were cuddling in a bed that they'd obviously slept (but only actually slept) together in. But then, Mingyu realized that it didn't look like that. They were in a HOSPITAL bed for god's sake, and unless Seungcheol was an idiot, Wonwoo obviously had cancer. Maybe it was shock that was causing the anger then. Mingyu was typically a fairly understanding person of people's more irrational feelings, but he didn't know why he was reacting so strongly to the glare that Seungcheol was shooting at him. 

Mingyu lifted his index finger of his left hand to his mouth in a shushing motion and then slowly distangled himself from Wonwoo, being super careful not to wake the boy up. He didn't want to startle Wonwoo by being gone if he were to wake up, but he didn't want to test Seugcheol's patience so he didn't have time to write a note. He just hoped Wonwoo wouldn't wake up. 

He motioned for Seungcheol to join him outside and then slid out the door. When they walked outside, they just stood there awkwardly for a second, Seungcheol just glaring at him and Mingyu looking down guiltily, although he knew he had absolutely nothing to be guilty about. Mingyu had never talked to the other boy, although he maybe had a few classes with him before they definitely didn't know each other. He knew of his relationship with Wonwoo though, he knew they'd been best friends for as long as they'd all been in school together. 

Eventually Mingyu figured that he ought to speak up because it was obvious that Seungcheol wouldn't be saying anything anytime soon. "Look..." he started," I'm not sure what I can or cannot legally tell you, but what do you want to know?" He said with a shrug. He actually knew exactly what he could tell the other boy. He had made a promise to Wonwoo and he wasn't planning on breaking it, but he did not want to appear hostile to the older, and most likely stronger, boy. 

"What do I want to know? I don't know, everything? I got this.... this text saying that Wonwoo was here and my best friend fell off the edge of the planet last year and all I've done is wonder what the fuck happened, and then I get here and he's sleeping here with you! But I don't even know if that's really him, because it barely looks like the Wonwoo I knew." Seungcheol was seething by the end of his rant. His voice had rapidly gotten louder and Mingyu was looking back and forth between the closed door behind them, praying that Wonwoo hadn't been woken up yet. He didn't need this stress this early in the morning, especially not after he was finally happy for once, or at least not depressed. 

"Okay, Seungcheol. I'm first going to ask you to quiet down, it's important that Wonwoo sleeps now, for healing purposes." 

Seungcheol rolled his eyes, "Is that what this is? Did you rape him and give him some STD and now you're claiming him as your own now or something?" 

Mingyu clenched his fists tightly so that he didn't respond to the accusation as he would have liked to, "No. Look, all I can say is that I am just Wonwoo's friend an-" 

"Bullshit. Wonwoo would never be friends with the likes of you." 

The old Mingyu would have immediately snapped, or would have already been detained depending on the day. But, Mingyu knew he was different now. He had a life now and he therefore had to keep his cool. He also had to keep his cool for Wonwoo. Everything he did from here on out could negatively or positively effect Wonwoo. So he simply tried to continue where he left off, "And Wonwoo is.... not well" 

He could tell Seungcheol was about to crack, and was either going to attack him or attack the door. Mingyu shifted in front of the door, so that he could guard it for Wonwoo. "Not well with what? Just let me see him, Wonwoo is mine." Seungcheol faltered for a second and then corrected himself, "My best friend not yours, I'm the one he needs to be with right now and I deserve to know exactly what is wrong with him." 

"That's for Wonwoo to tell you, and once he is awake, I can ask if he would like to see you, but until then he has expressly said that he.... doesn't want to see you." And then Seungcheol punched him. Perhaps he had gone a bit too far, but he had to keep his promise to Wonwoo. And that was also why he used all of his strength not too punch him back, no matter how hard the shorter older man punched him in the face. He could feel his lip swelling already and stinging from where it'd most likely split. The bigger problem was the fact that Seungcheol was reeling to hit him again, and he could not hit him back. This was Wonwoo's best friend, and he honestly felt sorry for the guy. Thankfully security stopped him before he could punch him again. 

The security guard asked Mingyu if he was okay and if they needed to arrest Seungcheol, but Mingyu told them he was fine and to just let Seungcheol out of the hospital and if he came back to buzz Mingyu. Seungcheol kicked and screamed and made a scene as the guards carried him off. Mingyu then decided that Seungcheol was most likely one of two things: drunk or in love with Wonwoo. By the smell, probably the first, but it could be both. He also decided that Wonwoo had most likely been woken up during all the noise. So he turned around and opened the door quietly, bracing for Wonwoo's reaction. He hadn't broken his promise, but he knew that it might look that way to Wonwoo. 

* * *

WONWOO POV 

* * *

  
  
As Mingyu walked in with his bloodied lip, Wonwoo felt a lot of things. He felt guilt for both boys. He felt anger towards Seungcheol for reacting this way. He felt grateful for Mingyu for protecting him at all costs. But mostly he felt guilty, he had caused this. 

"Wonwoo, you're awake...." Mingyu sighed, "Look I'm really sorry this all happened, I want you to know that it wasn't me who told him, I would never break that promise to you." 

"I know" Wonwoo replied, "I heard the whole thing. The next time Seungcheol comes... I'll talk to him. It might be awhile before he comes back though, I'm pretty sure he was drunk. Are you... okay?" 

Mingyu grimaced and walked over to Wonwoo's bed, "I'm alright, your ugh boyfriend packs a tough punch though" 

Wonwoo blushed, "He's not my boyfriend, he's just been my best friend for a while. We are very close. I should've told him about this earlier, you were right, but Seungcheol isn't as tough as he seems and it would have just been better if he never found out" Wonwoo looked down. 

Mingyu reached a finger under Wonwoo's chin and pulled his face up towards his own so that they were eye to eye, "Hey... stop talking like you're dying again. You're not remember? We were supposed to celebrate today. Seungcheol would have found out everything in a couple of weeks when you're back at school." 

"Yeah, I guess I'll have to tell them all now..." Wonwoo trailed off, Mingyu's finger still under his chin and the eye contact still there, "Hey um... your lip it's ugh..." he reached up and swiped across Mingyu's swollen bloody lip with his thumb and then broke eye contact with Mingyu to wipe his thumb on a tissue.

Mingyu laughed nervously and Wonwoo took pride in the flush that came to the tips of his ears. It was nice to not be the one to blush for once. "Hey! Dramatic start to the morning, so let's do something fun. Let's call your mom with the good news." Mingyu 'subtly' changed the subject. 

Wonwoo nodded his head, nervous for some reason, "Alright". As Mingyu dialed the numbers that he had memorized, being the main contact to Wonwoo's mother, Wonwoo wondered what he would say. With this news, Wonwoo realized that he had new fears to think about. Death wasn't a sure fire thing anymore. Now, it seemed the scarier option was living. He was grateful for the chance, although he didn't want to think about the fact that now nothing was decided. Everything was a question now. He could still very well die, and he would guess his 5 year chances now probably gave him a 70% chance of doing so, but that was much different than a 99.5% of dying. 

So what did he do now? He still didn't necessarily want people to get close to him if he wasn't going to die, but it was unavoidable. He would have to rejoin society now. He'd have to learn to hope a little bit, and maybe he'd try to fight. It was really too much to think about right now. But for now, he needed to make things right with his mother. He knew his intention had only been to not hurt her, but nevertheless, he probably did hurt her.

Mingyu lifted his phone to Wonwoo's cheek, and Wonwoo could hear the ringing. That was the first step he would take to rejoin the World. Wonwoo hadn't had a cell phone for a long time, since he chunked his at the wall after his friends kept calling and he didn't know how to respond. The warranty was still active, so he would get a cell phone. That was an applicable step. "Mingyu" Wonwoo shuddered at the soft broken voice of his mother and regretted his actions. He wouldn't change his course of action considering he thought he was going to die for sure, but everything is clearer in hindsight. 

Wonwoo cleared his threat, "Hey, umma." His voice broke a small bit, and he tried to laugh it off, "Its Wonwoo. What are you doing today? Would you um.... consider coming by the hospital to visit me? I have some things to tell you." 

"Oh, of course I will come Wonwoo, honey. I am getting my hair cut. But I will be there in about an hour." She paused and for a second the line was silent, "Is everything okay, sweetheart?" 

"That's what I want to talk to you about Umma, I will see you in an hour. Don't stress to much, okay umma? I love you." And then he hung up, looking to Mingyu for approval, "Um, how was that? Oh no, did I make it sound like I had bad news? I made it sound like I had bad news didn't I?" 

Mingyu laughed, putting the phone away, "Only a little bit" Wonwoo squeaked and let out an exasperated sigh, "Don't worry Wonwoo, that will just make the news better when she finds out." 

Wonwoo sighed, "If you say so..." 

Mingyu smiled, "I'm proud of you Won, it seems like you are really trying here. This is a... big step. Are you sure you're okay?" 

Wonwoo shrugged, "I guess? I know I should be ecstatic by this news and I'm happy, sure but I'm worried I guess. I don't know how to do this. When I was just dying, it was such an easy choice. I could just keep people out and hurt no one, but what do I do now?" 

Mingyu laughed and slid his hand over Wonwoo's "Well, I'm a soon to be Pre-med student, no psychologist, but I think now you fight. And to do that, you have to have support, and you HAVE to have hope. So you have to let people in." 

Wonwoo hesitated a minute, "What if I don't know how to do that?" 

"I think you're better at it than you think" Mingyu said looking down at their hands, "You kind of let me in when you were trying so hard to push me out. You let the guys in a bit, Jihoon a bit more. And you're already turning that 'pushing people away stuff' around. You said you would talk to Seungcheol-Hyung next time he came around, and you're making things right with your mom. But, in my medical opinion," Mingyu winked slyly, "I don't think counseling would be a terrible decision. You do suffer with depression, and I think that it's hard to fight cancer being depressed. You don't have to go, but I'd go with you if you did." 

Wonwoo thought for a moment, "I'll, I'll think about it. I'll definitely start going to Support Group, maybe I'll even go to their 'after hours' on Tuesdays. Thank you again, Mingyu. Thanks for putting up with me, even when I'm a crazy depressed ass, or when I'm puking and hangry at the same time." 

Mingyu smiled, "I'll always put up with you and your little outbursts. I mean, you put up with my annoying ways, by force not choice but still!" 

They both laughed and then Mingyu grabbed Wonwoo's chart to go through their schedule for the day. They had a lot of things to get done that Friday. "Oh!" Mingyu exclaimed, dropping the clipboard that was thankfully attached to the bed, "I wanted to show you this first so you could see it for your self!" He pulled out his phone and typed the hospital server into the search bar. He logged into his account and searched through his documentation and digital charts the hospital website had and pulled up Wonwoo's scans. "Most patients just get the interpretations from the doctors, but I thought you could actually see it. I also thought I might have to have proof to get you hoping, but here's your practically cancerless scans." 

Mingyu went through and pointed out what each little part of the scan meant to Wonwoo. Wonwoo was truly impressed by the high schooler's level of medical knowledge. He was used to Mingyu being superior to him at math and science, but this was a new level of amazing. They talked through the scans for almost an hour before they realized they still needed to schedule Wonwoo's surgery before his mother got here, so they ran now and scheduled it just barely in time before the office closed for lunch. Wonwoo would be getting the tumor under his knee removed next week on Monday and, if the surgery went perfectly and no amputation was required, Wonwoo would be back at school about a week and a half after that. If they did have to amputate, it would be 2 more weeks, but Mingyu assured Wonwoo that that was very unlikely. 

By the time Mingyu rolled Wonwoo back into his hospital room, Wonwoo's mother was already there waiting for them, "Umma! We didn't make you wait long did we?" Mingyu carefully helped Wonwoo out of the wheelchair and into his bed. Wonwoo realized that after his surgery he would probably have to kind of relearn how to walk, even if everything went perfectly. It had been so long since he had really been able to walk, the tumor under his knee obstructing much movement.

Wonwoo's mother was watching them diligently and sadly the way she always did, and Wonwoo just knew that she was wishing she could do more for him, and Wonwoo was genuinely glad he had waited until they were in person to give her the big news. He couldn't wait to see her face. "No" she finally replied to Wonwoo's question once Mingyu had gotten him situated in his bed. She then paused, looking closely at Mingyu, "Mingyu, why aren't you in school? And what did you do to your lip." 

"Oh haha, well the lip is a long story, but as for the school part, well I'll let Wonwoo tell you that." 

It hadn't really donned on Wonwoo that Mingyu was once again skipping school for Wonwoo, but he decided he would talk to the younger about that later, "Umma.... my big scans came in. Mingyu stayed today for my results, and he tried to cheer me up to ease my anxiety while waiting for them with all the balloons and stuff, but they ugh they actually came in early yesterday." Wonwoo gulped, he realized his mother definitely was expecting bad news by the grimacing at that was present on her face. 

"Umma" Wonwoo whined, "Don't make that face. Umma, I'm getting better." Wonwoo laughed at the look of confusion that was present on his mother's face, but he could feel the tears prickling his eyes. "My tumors have.... shrunk. Actually some even disappeared. I get to come home in a couple of weeks. Mingyu can explain all the medical stuff to you, but I-I'm sorry for all the stress and sadnes-" 

His mother stopped him by runnning over to his bed and wrapping her arms around him, "Oh Wonwoo, I don't care. I'm just glad you're... you're okay. Honey I thought this was the end! Why didn't you lead with the fact that it was good news!" She playfully hit him on the arm, crying now too. And then she beckoned Mingyu over, who was watching admirably for the side, and pulled him into the hug, they were all laughing and crying by the end of it. Mingyu showed Mrs. Jeon the scans on his phone and explained the new treatment they had been trying and the surgery Wonwoo would be having Monday. 

Wonwoo's mother stayed for several hours and Wonwoo felt happy again for the first time he could remember. Maybe Mingyu was right, maybe he could do this. He could fight this. Wonwoo told his mother he wanted a cell phone again, but that warranty should cover his old one since he kept the destroyed phone. She said she'd go get him one later, but she didn't miss the surprised and proud look that Mingyu gave him.

Eventually, he looked at the clock and realized that Jihoon would probably be coming by soon. He explained this to his mother and explained to her that she couldn't say anything to him because he didn't know yet. She was very excited to meet him, although she would probably have to leave right after she met him so that she could go to work. 

When Jihoon came, he was introduced to Wonwoo's mother and of course made quite the impression with his negativity and pessimism. She then left and told Mingyu to take care of her baby. It was something to remember. The rest of the day was fairly relaxed. Mingyu didn't let Jihoon stay very long since it was his "alone-time" with Wonwoo. Mingyu told Jihoon that he had finally convinced Wonwoo to join in on their late night support group poker games and then Wonwoo laughed at how the two other boys excitedly brought together a Saturday night special get together to induct Wonwoo in. Of course, after Wonwoo left, Mingyu explained he did this so Wonwoo could tell of all the boys at once. 

Eventually, Mingyu did have to leave. But he stayed until 6. By that point, Wonwoo was pretty exhausted, but impressed with himself by making it this long without napping any. He guessed that he should be feeling better considering he was quite a bit better. Maybe his previous attitude had blurred that out. Or, it could have even been his strict and rigorous schedule that had kept him from feeling the results of his growing health the past month. Wonwoo guessed he would find out, now that he was changing his attitude a little bit... 

* * *

Wonwoo had slept most of the day, preparing to stay up late for the poker session tonight, and Mingyu let him keep sleeping when he arrived on Saturday. He would have spent the entire Saturday with him, but he had a volleyball tournament and wasn't able to come until after, but Wonwoo thought that maybe it was better that way since he had slept so much.

Wonwoo had woken up a couple times since Mingyu had arrived, every time he would look over and see the giant sitting there, reading or working on homework. Mingyu would look up, smile at him and then tell him to go back to sleep, if he wished. Yet, when Wonwoo woke up abruptly the most recent time, Mingyu wasn't there. Wonwoo sat up and looked around the room. Mingyu was no where to be found. He looked at the clock, it was 10:05, meaning the group had started 5 minutes ago! Wonwoo saw a note on his table and picked it up and read it, "Hey Wonwoo! Sorry, something came up. The nurse can help you in to your wheelchair and I'm sure you can wheel yourself down there! You remember where the room is right?" 

Wonwoo was rather confused, but hit the button for help from the nurse. He hadn't asked the nurses for help in a long time, but he couldn't be anymore late. As he waited for the nurse, he unwillingly started to question Mingyu's actions, this was so unlike Mingyu. Was the intern now going to be less attentive now that Wonwoo was improving? Wonwoo guessed that the attractive younger could definitely have better things to do on a Saturday night. 

The nurse came in through the door, albeit timidly, and helped Wonwoo into his wheelchair. He then began to wheel himself down to the room they had their support group meetings in. The hospital halls were much more empty this late at night, and he hated the awkward feeling he had passing old interns or others who feared him. He actually hated having to go through these halls alone. He was going to kill the younger for leaving him alone like this without telling him. 

Wonwoo was pretty worn out by the time he got the hall where the room was. It had been a long time since he had done anything by himself, he realized. He then sincerely started hoping that his theory that Mingyu would start distancing himself as he improved was untrue, because he was more dependent on the younger than he'd like to admit. By the time Wonwoo finally got to the door, he was almost 30 minutes late. He found it strange that no one had come to look for him yet either. He saw the lights were on in the room, so he just decided not to knock and to let himself in. 

As he turned the knob on the door and pulled the door open, he was meet with a blast of lights and a loud, "SURPRISE!" Wonwoo felt his mouth fall open as he looked around the room. There was a large 'Congratulations' banner and balloons everywhere. Everyone was here. Jihoon, Jeonghan, Jisoo, Minghao and his new intern, Seungkwan. Seungcheol was here, smiling alongside Wonwoo's other school friends, Vernon, Soonyoung and Seokmin, along with another boy who Wonwoo didn't really recognize who was standing in between Seokmin and Jihoon. Wonwoo looked around at the 11 boys in front of him and didn't know what to say. As surprised and grateful he was, he was still disappointed that there was one person missing. 

"You really didn't think I would leave you did you Wonwoo?" Wonwoo spun his wheelchair around towards the voice. Mingyu. 

"Was this.... all your idea?" 

"Well" Mingyu laughed, "I can't take all the credit. Jeonghan and Jisoo did a lot of the planning and decoration. Jihoon invited your ugh school friends, but I'll let him or Seokmin tell you why. The idea was mine though" Mingyu laughed and then lowered his voice so only Wonwoo could hear him, " I hope your okay with everyone um, finding out about your ugh good news and stuff this way. I just thought you deserved a celebration. It was pretty huge news. And we actually do these for most big good news, but we don't get to do them much, so I think it'll be good for the guys too." 

"Wow, thank you Mingyu." He smiled, "Everyone was going to find out anyways. Wow just thank you so much." He turned his wheelchair around, "And thank you to everyone, wow." 

Mingyu squatted down behind him and whispered in his ear, "So I think you should probably, 'roll over' to your school friends first, but I'll roll you wherever you want, so just tell me" Wonwoo just nodded in reply and Mingyu must have gotten the message, rolling him towards the group of boys that Wonwoo had known for so long, but who seemed so foreign to him.

Wonwoo opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything, he felt himself being wrapped in a bone crushing hug, and then another and another and another. "Wonwoo" Wonwoo could hear the emotion in Seungcheol's voice, and it made him feel guilty. "I'm so glad you're okay." 

"Oh my God Wonwoo, we have been so worried about you. If it hadn't been for my long lost brother here, we would have never known what happened." Wonwoo looked confused for a second as Seokmin pointed to Jihoon. 

Jihoon shrugged, "Mingyu promised not to tell, not me. Little did you know, Seokmin and I are kind of related. We just were separated in a divorce at a pretty young age, so we aren't very close, but yeah... sorry for overstepping a bit Wonwoo, but I know these are great guys." 

Wonwoo rolled his eyes, "Wow, you guys ares siblings? Wow... Yeah, I'm sorry guys, I guess I should probably explain..." 

"Don't worry about it" Seungcheol smiled, "Lets just all enjoy tonight and we'll come by tomorrow and we can talk alright?" Wonwoo nodded and smiled. He hadn't realized how much he missed Seungcheol's strong leader-like presence. He always knew how to turn a situation positive, and he always knew the right thing to say. 

Seungcheol apologized to Mingyu and they shook hands. Mingyu said that it was okay considering Seungcheol's level of intoxication and the circumstances and then he pulled Seungcheol into a hug and Wonwoo laughed. Seokmin introduced Wonwoo to his little brother Chan who was Vernon's age and had recently begun hanging out with their group as well.

Jisoo tapped his glass and everyone grew quiet. "Alright. I just wanted to make a toast. Wonwoo, since I met you, I have been praying for you. In the time that we have known you, you've already touched each of our lives, and I'm sure your friends from Pledis High feel the same. Thanks for coming by the way, boys." Jisoo nodded to them and Seungcheol smiled back, " I am so glad that you are getting better, Wonwoo and that you're really smiling for the first time since I met you. This is only the first step, the only way you or any one of us can win this is by really just fighting with everything that we have, so that's my toast." He raised his glass, full of water of course, because most if the room was either under aged or had cancer or both, "Fighting!" The rest of the room followed the same and Wonwoo smiled.

He was the happiest he'd ever been. He was surrounded by people who really cared about him and they were selflessly celebrating the fact the the impossible was happening: he was getting better. And in that moment, making eye contact with the tall smiling intern next to him, Wonwoo knew he could do it. He could and would fight this. 


	7. Better Days

By the time Monday came, Wonwoo was sure he was still dreaming and would wake up any minute. His life was coming back, very very slowly. Still, the circumstances were better than he imagined. Less than a week ago, he would have never imagined he would be going into surgery to get his largest tumor removed. A week ago, the tumor, to his knowledge, was still wrapped around his necessary nerves and arteries. Now, it was going to be gone. He still didn't know what to think.

Mingyu came in early on Monday of course. The surgery would be in the morning and Mingyu would only be able to stay until right before Wonwoo went in. He had recently been told that if he skipped anymore school, he could lose his internship. Since Mingyu wouldn't be able to be there when Wonwoo woke up, the crazy intern basically arranged him a babysitter. A babysitter in the form of Jeonghan. He was incredibly qualified and would take great care of Wonwoo. Wonwoo rolled his eyes and put up a fight to being babied, but nevertheless went along with it.

Wonwoo looked around the room and wondered what had happened to his life. When did visitors become a regularity? Even more than that, what happened to the former dread Wonwoo used to gain from said visitors? Today, Wonwoo was joined by Mingyu, of course, his mother, Jihoon, and Minghao and his intern. As previously mentioned, visitors were extremely common in Wonwoo's room at this point, but Minghao was still new, especially considering how early it was. Nevertheless, the young Chinese patient and his model-like intern had joined the party this morning as Wonwoo got prepped for surgery.

Although Wonwoo wasn't so adverse to visitors anymore, he'd still prefer just one or two a day. His introvertedness hadn't retreated with his cancer. Yet, Wonwoo knew the visitors weren't really for him. Rather, they lifted his mother's spirits more than anyone. Although she didn't quite love Jihoon, she had become obsessed with Minghao. It was a common reaction to the smaller cute boy. Wonwoo thought he would react with the same jealousy he felt when Mingyu obsessed over the other boy, but strangely Wonwoo felt no such emotion.

Wonwoo wasn't really given a chance to ponder his confusing reactions and feelings before he was whisked away to surgery. Mingyu stayed by his side the whole time. Right before they knocked him out, Mingyu tightly gripped his hand. Nervously fretting he asked, "Your okay with me leaving right?"

Wonwoo laughed, "That has to be the hundredth time you've asked that. I'm fine, but I don't know about you though, you're sweating like crazy." Mingyu's ears flushed. Wonwoo didn't get the chance to admire his rare accomplishment of making the younger blush because of the sharp tinge that went into his arm. He cringed, the IV now in his arm.

Wonwoo could feel the drugs going into his system and the World around him starting to darken and blur. His eyes started to fall shut. Mingyu gripped his hand tighter and Wonwoo could barely hear him say, "Be okay Wonwoo. Please, please just be okay." Before he went out. He also felt a pair of lips tap forehead, but he assumed that part was probably dreamt up.

* * *

  
Wonwoo felt the now familiar feeling of coming out of surgery. He wasn't goofy or very strange at all like some, rather he was just extremely foggy and out of it. Everything seemed to be dreamed or fuzzy for the first several hours following any surgery he had, and it often was dreamed or not reality. So Wonwoo wasn't exceptionally strange, but he might say some strange things due to his hallucinations.

After this particular surgery for example, Wonwoo was pretty sure his leg was just entirely gone. He couldn't feel his entire leg, and it had been a possible complication, so the idea wasn't too far fetched. He tried to open his eyes to check and see if his leg was there, but his eyelids felt incredibly heavy. He couldn't seem to get his eyes open, so he decided to try his vocal chords. His throats was very dry so his first several attempts at speaking failed, but he was eventually able to muster a coughing sort of noise.

"Wonwoo? Are you awake, are you alright?" Wonwoo nodded his head in reply.

"Mingyu?" Wonwoo whispered out with a smile.

"No, sorry to disappoint. It's just Jisoo." He laughed, "I'm here with Jeonghan. How are you feeling?" Wonwoo blushed and then shook his head while pointing at his throat, hoping Josh would understand his gestures.

"Oh your throat? Yeah, I get that. Jeonghan is going to go get you some water or ice chips. Are you like really awake yet, can you open your eyes?" Yes, Wonwoo thought to himself, he most likely could open his eyes, but did he want to? No, not really. He was tired and that seemed like a lot of work. Nevertheless, he could practically hear Mingyu's whiny voice in the back of his head, nagging him to give it his best effort, so he did so.

He blinked his eyes shut very forcefully and then convinced them to open slowly. As soon as he had managed to crack his eyes open, he immediately shut them again. It was very bright in his room. Yet he still blinked his eyes open again and slowly let them adjust to the room while his eyes were squinted. He was greeted with the holy face of Jisoo leaning over him, and with further inspection around the room, he saw Jeonghan reentering the room, water in hand. In the corner of the room, there was another surprise, Minghao and his new intern. Wonwoo tried to recall if Mingyu had told him they would be visiting today, or if it was genuinely a surprise. He couldn't remember either way.

Wonwoo waved lazily at the two guest in the corner before turning to Jeonghan to grab the ice chips. Jeonghan and Jisoo were smiling amusedly at him in a way that made him feel slightly self conscious. He assumed he must look amusing. He closed his eyes again tiredly as he sucked on the ice chips. After letting his mind drift for awhile, he was brought back to reality by the feeling of general numbness across half his body. He blinked his eyes slowly and scrunched his eyebrows together trying to get his thoughts together. His mind was still heavily influenced by the anesthesia.

He cleared his throat again, trying to test out if his voice would be working yet. "Hey" He decided to just not address his question to any particular person as he would then have the best results of getting an answer from one of the four people in the room. There could have been more people, but Wonwoo didn't really feel like putting strength into asking or looking around the room. He assumed without opening his eyes again that he must have some people from the room's attention at this point. "How... did it go?"

There was a momentary pause that made Wonwoo scrunch his eyes together. Must have been bad.... I wonder if my leg is gone or if they couldn't get all the cancer. Or both. Wonwoo heard the turn of wheels but no steps. That must mean that Jihoon or Seungkwan were also in the room since they were the only ones who rolled the wheelchairs themselves. Being more awake now, Wonwoo opened his eyes slowly to the side of the bed where he could hear the person rolling up to. It was Jihoon, but that didn't make any sense. Jihoon was the most blunt out of all of them. If it had been bad, Jihoon would've been the first one to tell him. But maybe that's why he was here. "Is my leg gone?" Wonwoo just asked bluntly and casually.

Jihoon just smiled at Wonwoo's confused expression, another thing that scared Wonwoo. "Wonwoo" he laughed, "You're fine, minor complications, but your leg is there and cancerless. The doctor will explain the stuff to you, but it's not really bad-" he stopped, laughing at Wonwoo's slow smile that had come on his face. "You're an idiot though and Mingyu is going to be so pissed that he missed this loopy anesthesia Wonwoo" Wonwoo heard the rest of the room laugh and Wonwoo blushed, suddenly feeling rather uncomfortable. He never liked large social situations before and he realized there were a lot of people in his room, Jihoon being the only one he was really accustomed to. He missed the comfort of Mingyu being by his side.

Joshua seemed to realize he was a bit uncomfortable, "Mingyu should be here any minute, you all's 7th hour just started. Your doctor will come when he gets here. I know you probably feel really tired and don't want to put effort into looking, so would you like me to tell you who is here?" Wonwoo nodded eagerly, now more thankful than ever for the existence of the support group and for people who understood the discomfort of the large amounts of attention when you're sick, particularly when you've just gotten out of surgery and are largely not in control of most of your actions.

"Okay I'm going to prop your bed up a bit so you can see everyone" Joshua grabbed the remote and the bed slowly lifted Wonwoo into an upright position. "Okay, in the corner by the window, we have your mom. And next to her, there's Jun and Minghao. Jihoon is on the left side of your bed and Jeonghan and I are on your right. Mingyu should be here soon and then later, your other school friends should come. Seungkwan was here earlier, when you were sleeping, but he had to go to school." Wonwoo gave a small smile and wave to his guests. Lifting his arm up for the wave was not as easy as he thought it would be, but his body was slowly waking up.

"Thanks for coming everyone...." Wonwoo coughed, his voice still rather hoarse and his throat dry. There was a little pause of awkward silence. Wonwoo didn't know what to do. This was more people than he was accustomed to. Even when he was with all of his friends, he was never the center of attention or even one to talk very much. Thankfully, the door happened to open at that exact moment.

Wonwoo looked at Mingyu with thankful eyes as his savior rushed in through the door. Mingyu smiled as he layed his eyes on the awake and whole Wonwoo. "Okay everyone, I'm here, so let's give me some alone time with my patient. Everyone out!"

Jihoon laughed, but Mingyu kept on his serious facade. "God knows you two can't be apart for more than five seconds without having an anxiety attack..." Mingyu hurriedly pushed Jihoon's wheelchair out of the door before he could continue. Everyone else filed out one by one and Wonwoo smiled. Only Mingyu would know exactly what he needed but couldn't say himself without being rude.

"I guess it's about time I went to go get something to eat..." Wonwoo's mom stood up and winked at Mingyu. Wonwoo laughed and blushed.

Mingyu on the other hand... seemed to think he committed some cardinal sin or something. He tried to apologize several times and say that he meant to kick everyone else out, but that he wanted her to stay. Wonwoo and his mother were dying laughing by the time Mingyu finally agreed to let her leave, but only if she let Mingyu buy her dinner.

Wonwoo smiled, "You make quite the entrance, you obviously missed me."

Mingyu laughed, "Oh please, I just knew you were dying without me" He's not too far off.

"Oh because you didn't leave enough people to babysit me?" They continued to tease each other like that until Wonwoo's doctor came in to explain exactly what complications had occurred during the surgery. Wonwoo had really forgotten all about any complications, all he cared about was that there was no more cancer in his leg and that he still had a leg.

The doctor continued on with some random medical jargon that Wonwoo didn't understand and thus he didn't listen, choosing to watch a Mingyu's reactions instead. He wasn't sure if it was the anesthesia still making his brain fuzzy or his pure dependence on the intern that was clouding his mind, but he was having some weird thoughts while watching Mingyu's face, or eh-reactions. He just felt so warm looking at the tall intern. Warm was the best word he could use to describe Mingyu, someone he used to think of as the definition of cold.

Wonwoo snapped out of it when the doctor shut the door, "So what did he say? In English..."

Mingyu rolled his eyes, "Did you not listen at all?" Wonwoo gave a small shrug and Mingyu laughed, "Well, there was a complication, they basically just had to remove a bit more of the back of your knee then planned, so it will take you a bit longer to be walking normally again. Basically, you'll have a lot of tough PT and you might have a slight limp the rest of your life."

Wonwoo shrugged, "I'll take it. Does that mean I don't have to go back to school in two weeks?"

Mingyu smiled, "Not so fast on that one. You'll start PT tomorrow. You'll work super hard all week, and actually get to go home this weekend, but you'll have to take it really easy. You'll be back here all week next week for treatment and PT and then you'll get to go home permanently and start the following Monday back at school. Of course, you will still be in a wheelchair and you'll still be back up here all the time for appointments, but hey, Mr. Death Sentence is improving."

Wonwoo paused for a second, trying to take everything in. He was going back to school. I guess there are scarier things. My friends already know, they'll support me. Mingyu will be there. That's all that I need right? I can do this right? Everyone will know. Everyone will see the lack of hair, the dark circles under my eyes. Everyone will know. It's a bit frightening.

Mingyu and Wonwoo talked the rest of the afternoon, joined by Mrs. Jeon shortly after the doctor left. Wonwoo was glad to have Mingyu by his side and to have his mother be happy again, but he couldn't shake the anxious feeling creeping up on him. He wasn't sure what it was, either a bad omen of some sorts or just social anxiety over the idea of going back to school, Wonwoo just wasn't sure what he could handle yet.

* * *

  
Seungcheol and Wonwoo's other school friends weren't able to come on Monday, but they made up for it by subbing in when Mingyu couldn't be there the rest of the week. Wonwoo knew his friends were busy. Seungcheol was the star quarterback and his other friends simply followed Cheol's guidance. Mingyu was apparently the star of the volleyball team, so that took up a lot of his time. Still.... Wonwoo couldn't shake the feeling that the boys were purposefully avoiding one another's presence. They rarely were with Wonwoo together. When Cheol would arrive, Mingyu would suddenly have to leave, or vice versa.

Wonwoo didn't quite understand what the situation was between the two, but they didn't seem to like one another. This would be a real problem whenever they were back in school together and they'd all be in one place. Wonwoo couldn't afford to not have either one of them by his side.

Seungcheol said he understood why Wonwoo did what he did, but Wonwoo still got the feeling that he wasn't just "over the situation". He seemed much more reserved around Wonwoo than he typically was. Maybe he just didn't like that Wonwoo was hanging around Mingyu so much.

On Friday afternoon, Wonwoo brought it up with Jihoon while they were watching the office. Jihoon wouldn't have a bias toward either boy like most of his other friends did. He loved Mingyu, sure. But Jihoon wasn't the type to not give someone a straight answer, so Wonwoo just randomly poured it all out to Jihoon.

After Wonwoo was done, Jihoon just looked at him straight on for awhile, and Wonwoo was worried that he was about to start yelling at Wonwoo or something. But after several moments, Jihoon sighed, "I think they're just feeling like they have to compete for your attention right now. They're both very alpha male type and they want to be the leader, the protector, but they can't do that when the other one is there. That's also probably why your Seungcheol friend is still hurt. He wanted to be who you depended on, but Mingyu got to be that."

Wonwoo just stared at Jihoon, astonished. He had mainly come to the other to vent and then get yelled at for complaining and then be lectured on appreciating his friends. But Jihoon had given him real input that seemed to exactly describe the situation. Wonwoo wondered why he hadn't come to Jihoon about stuff before, "So... what should I do?"

Jihoon rolled his eyes, "God you're hopeless... But I'll help you I guess. Mingyu has a volleyball game this weekend. You're not really supposed to be doing much, so ask your friends if they'll take you. Not just Seungcheol, but all of them. I'll even go, so I'll make sure my step brother comes. If they all come, he'll have to come. If you can get Seungcheol and Mingyu to see that they can hang out together, then they'll start to see each other's better sides."

"Wow. You're incredible, I don't know if I even know you anymore. Thank you so much Jihoon."

"Ugh, don't thank me, I probably would've gone to the kids volleyball game anyways, this is a really big one. Honestly, you should have been planning on going anyways. It would mean more than anything if you came. " Wonwoo blushed, feeling bad that he hadn't thought of it first. He hadn't really known when any games were though. Jihoon gave him Mingyu's volleyball schedule. Wonwoo thanked him again before Jihoon left. "Whatever, kid. But hey, don't tell Mingyu you're coming. A surprise will be much better and much less pressure." Wonwoo smiled and nodded. Seungcheol, Seokmin and Hansel would be here soon. He'd ask them then and he'd force Seungcheol and Mingyu to see each other's good sides. He'd force them to see all they had in common.

Until then, Wonwoo could only look forward to tomorrow. He'd be out in the real world again, which is scary, but there is no place he'd rather go than to go support Mingyu. He couldn't wait to see Mingyu's face when he realized Wonwoo had come to see him play. It would be perfect. He could finally pay back some of the joy the younger had given him over the past few months.


	8. Smile

It would be reasonable enough to say that when Wonwoo woke up Saturday morning, he was nervous to be going home, it's not that he didn't want to go home. Rather, he didn't know what to expect. It was scary, and his mother was particularly suffocating since he told her his plan for the game that afternoon. Although Wonwoo was sure he was probably supposed to be with his team warming up for the game, Mingyu had come by to help move Wonwoo home for the weekend. Wonwoo had to pretend that he didn't know about said Volleyball game since Jihoon made him swear to keep it a surprise. Mingyu would be leaving at 11 and then Seungcheol would come along with the boys to pick him up at noon, before they ran to the hospital to grab Jihoon.

The other issue was Seungcheol. When Wonwoo asked the older to take him to a volleyball game, Seungcheol immediately agreed. When he found out it was Mingyu's game, he definitely took more convincing. Wonwoo had to be a little manipulative and make him feel a little bad to get him to join. A lot of, "I just regained my life to live because of my two friends, why do they have to hate each other?" Eventually, and surprisingly with the help of Jihoon, Seungcheol agreed to take him, if he promised to go to dinner with just Seungcheol after the game.

All Wonwoo took home was just a simple overnight bag, an IV drip, his wheelchair, his thousand pounds of medication and medical wrap, and his humidifier. What Mingyu called, "Every teen boy's weekend essentials." Mingyu had followed the minivan that Wonwoo's mom drove on his bike.

Another thing that made Wonwoo nervous was the idea of Mingyu being at his house. Even if they hadn't become friends, Mingyu would still be spending a lot of time there for Wonwoo's necessary physical and at home therapy since he was also Wonwoo's intern. Wonwoo's house was in a pretty rough neighborhood and was by no means large, but Wonwoo had always loved the house's cozy simplicity. It had also been paid off long ago when Wonwoo's grandparents lived there before him, so it had never been a burden when Wonwoo's father and now Wonwoo, both required a large sum of medical bills to be payed. The bills were burden enough on Wonwoo's poor mother without a hefty house payment involved, Wonwoo would never ask for anything more than that.

When they arrived at Wonwoo's house, Wonwoo just sat in the car smiling out the window at the structure that he thought he'd never see again. Home. Wonwoo heard them getting his wheelchair out and waited patiently instead of trying to fight them for his independence; he had to preserve his energy for later. Instead of getting his wheelchair out and then helping Wonwoo into it, Mingyu decided it would be better idea to pick Wonwoo up like baby and carry him into the house himself. Wonwoo protested loudly as Mingyu ran into the house like a wild man.

As Mingyu started running faster, Wonwoo dropped his protests and gripped onto Mingyu for dear life. Which Mingyu noticed and thus ran faster, running into each room trying to decide for himself which one was Wonwoo's. He seemed to have decided on a room because he stopped, turned and then ran into the room. Then he dropped Wonwoo on the bed before collapsing next to him on the bed, both boys dying with laughter.

Wonwoo was lost in a field of giggles, unable to get a real word out of his mouth to reprimand the younger. He thought he'd never stop laughing, but then Mingyu did something that shut him up immediately. The younger rolled over on top of Wonwoo, successfully pinning the older with one hand on each side of a Wonwoo's head, allowing him to lift his body just barely off of the others. Wonwoo went quiet almost as quickly as his eyes grew. He still couldn't get a word put this way.

Mingyu seemed to notice the stiff nature of Wonwoo's body and moved his face down directly over Wonwoo's. Wonwoo's heart ran wild in a way it never had before. He couldn't even get a breath, as he just struggled not to make eye contact with the younger. Mingyu smirked, "Did I win? Did I guess the room right?" Wonwoo looked into the younger's eyes and immediately regretted it, unable to process the question or anything else but their close proximity.

"Um... T-this is..." Wonwoo blushed at the fact that he couldn't even get a sentence out. He was practically yelling at himself to get his shit together. He had never been more embarrassed in his life. Well, until....

"Did you boys get into the house alr- Oh!" His mom dropped the suitcase she was holding and Mingyu was off of him before the suitcase hit the floor, immediately understanding what this looked like. Wonwoo was a bit slower to react, still dazed and embarrassed in an entirely different way. He sat up slowly from the bed, red as a tomato.

"Hey, m-mom" Wonwoo struggled to regain his cool composure so he could make this scene look like even less than what it was, which was nothing, right?  
He coughed, than leaned back on his elbows, 'this looks natural right?' he thought to himself. "Mingyu helped me to my room, and then tried to wrestle with me" he laughed awkwardly, rubbing his neck, "He's always trying to make sure I experience all that being normal stuff, but he's obviously going to win the stereotypical boy hoarding around stuff right?"

His mom didn't look totally convinced, but she did drop the subject, "Oh-yeah, okay. That makes sense. Tell me if you two need anything. Mingyu, it is almost 11, btw" Mingyu nodded, a bit fearfully, and then ran outside to go bring Wonwoo's wheelchair inside.

* * *

Mingyu POV

* * *

Mingyu's heart was beating wildly. He couldn't wrap his head around what just happened, or more importantly, what Wonwoo's mom thought just happened. What she saw obviously looked a certain way, but that obviously wasn't what Mingyu was intending, right? Then why did he look so damn guilty when she came in. He kicked a bad of trash that was outside due to his frustration. Whatever she thought she saw, he had to convince both himself and her that that wasn't happening or going to happen. If not, he could lose Wonwoo. He kicked the trash bag hard again before grabbing the wheelchair and picking it frustratedly. His already rushing heart jumped again when he saw Wonwoo's mother was standing at the door, watching him.

'Well at least this can't get any worst' he thought before rushing over to the front door with the wheelchair. "Look M'am, what you saw in there. It's not what you think. We aren't like that..."

She gave him a thoughtful look and then opened her mouth to speak before closing it again. She did that a few times and the tension was killing Mingyu, he knew he was about to get scolded. She finally spoke, "Why were you angry?" She asked casually.

This threw Mingyu off guard and he didn't know how to respond. He thought about trying to lie his way out. He was really good at that at one point in time, but he, being a different person now or trying anyways, decided to go with the truth.

"I was mad, at myself. For letting my feelings almost get the best of me and possibly get in the way of my job. I was scared too I guess, terrified. What you probably think you saw definitely wasn't happening, Wonwoo definitely doesn't feel that way about me, but I can't promise you that it would never happen, if it was just about me.... and that scares me because I'm one of his health care workers. It's not supposed to be like that.... but Ma'm, I cannot lose him. I'll be whatever you want me to be to him if you'll let me stay by his side. I don't think he knows... how I feel and I'll keep it that way, if that's what you want."

Mrs. Jeon looked a Mingyu deep in the eyes, searching him and making a Mingyu feel extremely vulnerable, but then she just started laughing, "I don't think I care what was going on in that room. The way I see it, I've never seen Wonwoo smile and laugh the way he does around you before. Even before he had cancer himself, he's always been a cold boy. Since his father died, he's never truly opened his heart to anyone. You're the closest one to melting his heart. So, I don't care what the two of you are. If you two start dating, I expect to know because there will be an increase of rules around here, but I would be an idiot to keep the person who is saving my son's life away from my son. You really do need to be leaving for volleyball though, so go tell him goodbye.... if he hasn't come around yet I'm sure he will. I'm rooting for anyone who will make him happy, so I guess if that's a boy so be it." She gave him an assuring pat on the back and a smile as they both walked into the house with the wheelchair.

Mingyu put a hand on her arm before they went into the room, "Thank you, I'll take care of him" he bowed and then went into the room, trying to dumb down the huge dopey smile on his face. He looked down on the boy who caused all his trouble and worries over the past month, who was laying face up on the bed with thus hands covering his face. Not as forbidden as he thought... hmmm. Now his only adversary was the eminent death Wonwoo was supposed to face soon, and of course Wonwoo and his crazy selfless psyche.

For now, Mingyu would just take this. As he pulled the wheelchair over the door frame, the noise made Wonwoo's eyes shoot open and Mingyu smiled down at him. Wonwoo sat up, "What took you so long?" Mingyu laughed at the tone of Wonwoo's voice, laced with concern, fear and uncertainty. They had so long to go.

"Oh, nothing. I have to go, do you want me to put you in your wheelchair before I go?" Mingyu smiled down at the younger as he smoothed down his beanie gently. He laughed softly as he saw the thoughts go across the younger face. First the happy yes, then remembering what happened last time Mingyu tried to put him in his wheelchair and blushing and quickly shaking his head no.

"I-I'm tired, I'm just going to nap. I'll see you later." Mingyu just laughed and nodded waving and walking out the door quickly, knowing he was about to be very late for warm ups, but laughing because he knew Wonwoo would probably regret the decision later.

* * *

Wonwoo POV

* * *

Within about 30 minutes, Wonwoo began to regret his decision to not let Mingyu help him into his wheelchair. The first 15 minutes, he enjoyed the comfortable relaxation of simply lying on his bed. Well relaxation is a loose term. Perhaps, contemplation time would be better. Basically, he was stressing. 'This is exactly why I didn't want to rejoin the World. Being depressed is a lot easier than this constant heart racing social awkwardness.' After that first 10-15 minutes, Wonwoo knew he had to try to get up, so he sat up and scooted towards the end of the bed, put out his good leg and attempted to stand just on that leg.

He did it! For about five seconds, until that leg collapsed, so he stuck out his other leg, the one with like half a joint and that led to him now lying on the floor. He really needed to take the doctor seriously when he told his to work out his legs, both of them. It seemed his leg had grown weaker than he thought. He attempted to scoot himself over with his arms towards his wheelchair, but that ultimately was unsuccessful. His arms were much stronger than his legs with how often he used them for lifting himself and driving his wheelchair around, but the scooting just pulled too much at the recently surgically altered tissue.

After about five minutes of that he pulled out his phone to see a barrage of texts from Mingyu. Since the younger had left, it seemed he had texting Wonwoo, "need help yet?" Consistently nonstop every five minutes. He propped himself up against his bed.

_To: Mingyu  
I'm fine actually. Just woke up from a nap. Got to my wheelchair all by myself._

Wonwoo smiled smugly as he felt his phone buzz almost immediately. He open the text hurriedly.

_From: Mingyu  
Really? How bad are you blushing right now? ジ_

Wonwoo's eyebrows knit together. He put his hands on his face and rolled his eyes angrily when he realized he was in fact blushing.

_To: Mingyu  
(¬_¬) I don't know what you are talking about_

_From: Mingyu  
You blush when you lie. I'll be at your house in 5-10 minutes?_

_To: Mingyu  
Why? I do not need that at all. I am entirely independent._

_From: Mingyu  
Keep telling yourself that, you're cutest when you blush. I'm definitely getting on my motorcycle now, so no more texting ;)_

_To: Mingyu  
But you are busy_

_To: Mingyu  
I'm fine_

_To: Mingyu  
And independent_

_To: Mingyu  
And I'm not blushing at all._

_To: Mingyu  
I can't believe you are leaving because of me_

_To: Mingyu  
When I am fine_

_To: Mingyu  
Drive safely..._

  
Wonwoo sighed frustratedly, glaring at his phone. The younger wasn't responding and it was driving Wonwoo crazy. Mingyu had probably already been late to warm ups because of Wonwoo and now he would be missing part of it. What if Mingyu got kicked off the team or something, all because of Wonwoo? He was already missing class for Wonwoo, so how was this kid ever going to get into a pre-med program? Ugh, Wonwoo just wanted to do something nice for the kids and now he's probably going to get kicked off of the team that he is the captain of currently and not get into college, although he's one of the top ranked students in his class.

"Well you are definitely blushing, but you also look pissed, so I don't know if this is necessarily your 'cutest look'" Startled, Wonwoo jumped but didn't turn quickly because he already knew who was there, but seeing that person would just make him feel all the more ashamed. Wonwoo let his head fall back into his hands and whimpered out a small apology. He heard Mingyu walking toward him and looked up, only to find the younger much to far in his personal space. His heart raced and he immediately looked down when he remembered that this heart racing was what caused all these problems. He didn't know why he was acting like this. Maybe it was because a Mingyu was the cool popular kid and Wonwoo felt inferior. Whatever it was, Mingyu was his friend and the recent awkwardness and disrythmias were immature and possibly causing a burden to Mingyu. He forced himself to look up at the younger, who was sitting in front of him in a crouched position.

Mingyu smiled sadly, "Alright, I said the angry face wasn't cute, but that's only because it's more the sexy look. But this look, it's doing nothing for you..." He faded off when Wonwoo's eyes dropped again and his head was half way there. Wonwoo felt bad and embarrassed that a blush was coming again, but there was no lie to excuse it. Mingyu gently put his hands onto Wonwoo's arms, and in a frighteningly familiar rush, he pulled a Wonwoo into his arms, only lingering a moment before he sat him in the chair. "Wonwoo, I've got to get back, but never ever hesitate to ask me for help again." He looked dangerously into Wonwoo's now wide eyes, "I won't let it slide next time" and then he winked, and just like he had gone from Min-Housewife to Min-Doctor to Min-Badboy and then back again. No wonder Wonwoo couldn't get his heart to keep up, Mingyu was much too difficult to figure out.

"Oh and Wonwoo" Mingyu called as he was walking out Wonwoo bedroom door for the third time that day, "That face a moment ago... I don't know what you were thinking, but I know for a fact that face looked awfully similar to the boy I'd been taking care of the last month. The one who craved death and hated life. Please, don't show me that facial expression again." And with that, he left.

_ From:Mingyu  _

_Smile, please_

_ To:Mingyu  _

_Before you had even left_

**Author's Note:**

> Also on AFF. Decided to post this on here since I read more fics here now! This is a very angsty one, so please look forward. I started this years ago and now am finishing it over quarantine.


End file.
